Developer: SCE Studios San Diego

Publisher: SCEA

Release Date: Oct. 7, 2008

Systems: PS3 (reviewed), PS2, PSP

ESRB Rating: E

Official Web site

0:00 I usually only enjoy basketball games of the NBA Jam/NBA Street variety, but this one has been staring at me from my shelf for months, making me feel guilty that Sony sent it to me and I haven't played it yet. So I guess I'll give it the old college try.

0:01 Shocker, there's a 49 MB downloadable update available. Now I remember the other reason I was loathe to try this one out ... it's on the PS3.

0:04 53-percent downloaded so far. I've been passing the time by listening to this excellent Harvey Danger album. It's free! Go download it! NOW!

0:06 The download and install are done. That really wasn't too bad. The music helped the time pass quickly.

0:07 Oh, looks like I spoke too soon ... now we're "Installing game data files. Please do not turn off your system or eject the disc or BUY AN XBOX 360 during this process." I may have embellished that message a little bit...

0:09 57 percent. The install is pretty fast, but still slow enough to make me want to just bust out the DS for some Retro Game Challenge.

0:11 Finally, "Sony Computer Entertainment Presents..." a bunch of logos. THX! Dolby Digital! The NBA Teams! "IN FULL HD!"

0:12 Cut to slow-mo, drawn-out video with on-court close-ups of a bunch of basketball players I don't know (and Yao Ming). Then we transition to fast-paced on-court action. "Big block by Clarence Thomas." The Supreme Court justice? "And the San Antonio Spurs have taken the lead." Cheerleaders. Kobe Bryant makes a dunk. Then back to slow-mo. Then back to awesome passes and dunks and such. "The crowd is on their feet." I know I am. Oh no, wait, I'm still sitting comfortably, and a little bored already.

0:14 So I'm scrolling through a list to pick my favorite teams, and I'm shocked to find that Oklahoma City has a team. Oklahoma City? Man, it's been way too long since I followed pro basketball. The college game is better anyway.

0:15 Would I like to create a progression player, you ask. Hmm ... well, I can create up to five and "get them on the court for some NBA action." OR, I can play without them and earn points to make them better later. "The choice is yours!" Well thanks for explaining, I guess. In that case, I'll just get to the game, thanks.

0:17 Trying for the Options menu, I accidentally go to the Online menu instead. The game has to "connect to NBA Servers" and download some files about this week's game or something. The result? A message saying "Aug. 20, 2008: This is a sample announcement to ensure there is content in the database." Totally worth it!

0:18 The difficulty settings are Rookie, Veteran, All-Star and Hall of Fame. Rookie, please! There's also a feature called "Showtime" that is set to off by default. Why in the world would anyone ever want to turn off something called "Showtime"?

0:20 I can set the shot clock down to eight seconds. I think this is hilarious, but not so hilarious that I want to actually try it. I can't set it any higher than 24 seconds, though, if I want to play a college-style game.

0:21 I can't decide if "The Life" or "Franchise" mode is more appropriate, but I go for "The Life" because it sounds kind of unique. This launches me into Story No. 1. "It's pretty simple ... it's either sink or swim." A guy in a red hoodie dribbles down a dark, empty street. "And I prefer to swim." He spouts more street philosophy about the "hunger for conflict" as he dribbles into an empty subway car. He sits down, still dribbling under his legs and stuff. Now that's hardcore! Off the train now, at a colorful, well-lit court with a bunch of guys throwing the ball around. Red hoodie guy pauses, leans against the fence, lowers his hood, and walks on.

0:24 Turns out this mode does need a Created Player ... a Point Guard to be precise, so I'm off to make one. The default name is "Created Player," which I find so funny that I leave it as is. I choose jersey #00, of course!

0:25 As I change Mr. Player's height, his shorts and jersey billow with real wind resistance. Putting that PS3 power to good use right there, eh Sony! I can choose between three highly descriptive body types: A, B and C.

0:26 A unibrow, sideburns, stubble and a goatee make Mr. Player ready for prime time ... a prime-time horror movie, at least. I can also edit stuff like "Crown Roundness" and "Brow Prominence" and the "Bridge Width" on my nose. Also "Nostril Position," which would be a great name for a rock band.

0:28 OK, enough puttering around ... I assign Mr. Player to the Wizards, create a new save file, and we're off. "Welcome to Day 1 of the showcase," says an unseen announcer. "We're here as a group of eager D-leaguers try to make their mark and make it in the NBA."

0:29 On the sidelines, I give the rest of my Wizards a pep talk. "What we gonna do? WIN! What we gonna do? WIN! What we gonna do? WIN! What we gonna do? WIN! We gonna do? WIN! We gonna do? WIN! We gonna do? WIN! We'gon'do? WIN! We'gon'do? WIN! We'gon'do? WIN! We'gon'do? WIN!" I wish I was exaggerating the number of times he repeats this.

0:30 The pause menu shows me two goals that I have three minutes to complete: Dish out three assists and don't turnover the ball more than once. Right off, I'm impressed by the player animation. I'm so distracted by it that I step out of bounds and immediately get my first turnover. D'oh!

0:32 The other team makes a quick drive to the inside that I can't stop because... I don't know what button stops it (or does anything else, on defense). On the other side my team refuses to run a route, just standing there looking stupid. I pass it off and hit O to bring up a shot power meter. Before I know what's going on, the ball caroms off the backboard. D'oh x 2.

0:33 My first steal! All I had to do was jam on the square button and flick it out of his hands. Just like NBA Jam! All right! Now how do I push the guy over?

0:34 Another steal leads to a semi-fast break, but instead of letting Mr. Player take the shot, I dish out back to some guy named Ho. The square button makes him take an automatic finger-roll that goes in. My first assist! Whoo!

0:35 Another easy layup for the opposing team. "All the way to the rack ... too easy," says one announcer. "Players love those no stress points," say another. NOT IF THEY'RE ON DEFENSE AND DON'T KNOW HOW TO JUMP, THEY DON'T!

0:36 I hit the wrong button and put up an awful three-pointer instead of passing the ball. It's OK though; the shot somehow goes in and we take the lead!

0:38 Trying out some fancy footwork with the right stick, I accidentally step back over the midcourt line, leading to a second turnover that automatically ends the challenge. It didn't matter ... I only had 16.9 seconds left to get two assists anyway. Let's retry.

0:40 This time I take a good, hard look at the controls before I continue. I find out I can call offensive plays with the d-pad. That gets them moving! A nice inside dish to Holland leads to a foul on the layup. I get to the line and find I have no idea how to shoot free throws! I hold the shot button and luckily stop it just as it reaches the green portion. Swish! That was amazingly intuitive!

0:42 I get another assist, but I still haven't made a defensive stop. I figured out how to jump on defense, though ... it's the triangle button. Now whose bright idea was it to put it up there?

0:45 Argh ... I keep mixing up the buttons, so I pass when I want to shoot, and put up a layup when I want to do a jumper, etc. So what would have been my third assist instead becomes a useless shot by Mr. Player. I always have this problem with basketball games, and I'm not sure why. Still, I got two assists this time. One more try oughta do it.

0:47 Hey, since my only real goal is getting assists, maybe I should just let them score whenever they're on offense. Yeah, that's my excuse!

0:49 Argh! My pass got slightly deflected, so my third assist doesn't actually count as an assist. There's only 45 seconds left ... It's gonna come right down to it!

0:51 YES! I got my third assist ... a fake dish-out to a three-pointer from the corner ... with 5.4 seconds left. I'm getting this shot meter thing down now, and I'm getting better with which button does what. Whoo!

0:52 "It's the halfway mark of this four-day tournament. Welcome to Day 3 of the Showcase!" In a cut scene, Player gives a pep talk about "showing the other side of the court who we are," and using our "one-minute offense to break down that weak defense. Win on three. One, two, three. WIN!"

0:53 This time I need to get FOUR assists, outscore the other team by five, and limit one particular opposing player to four points or less. GULP!

0:56 I try and get my assists/points the cheesy way, by dishing out to the corner and putting up threes. I'm not having much luck with the shot meter now, though. I guess I'll have to run some actual plays to get my baskets... Oh, and on defense, I'm as much of a mess as ever.

0:57 The "take charge" button finally worked! I drew a charge! YES!

0:58 With 35 seconds left I've gotten my four assists, but I'm only outscoring them by one (thanks to some late defense), and I've let their point guard hit three points. It's gonna take a miracle...

0:59 The miracle doesn't come, as their point guard gets his fourth and fifth points. "No defense around so he puts it up." Sigh.

Would I play this game for more than an hour? No.


Why? I don't have the head for technically sound, five-person basketball. I'd rather just push people over and put up massive dunks.

This column is based on a retail copy of the game provided by the publisher.

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