Developer: Arkedo

Publisher: Southpeak Interactive

Release Date: Jan. 21, 2009

System: Nintendo DS

ESRB Rating: E

Official Web site

0:00 Space Invaders Extreme got me on a sort of portable shoot-'em-up kick, I guess. I've heard just enough about this one to be intrigued by the premise and concerned about the controls at the same time.

0:01 "Arkedo!" says a chorus of what sound like little kids. On the title screen, fireworks go off constantly on the top screen while constellations float by on the bottom. Tutorial mode seems a logical place to start: "Learn to shoot fireworks! Then please save the world." Well, since you asked so nicely...

0:02 "Welcome to the Big Bang Mini training center! Soon, you'll find out how to light up your world with fireworks!" How soon? HOW SOON?!

0:03 Movement means dragging my ship around the touch screen with the stylus. Shooting means flicking the stylus up towards the top screen. The tutorial tells me to do it lightly, like striking a match against the touch-screen. This is a perfect analogy. "Well done! What magnificent fireworks! It's like you've been doing this all your life!" Flattery will get you everywhere, game.

0:04 Apparently firing is independent of my ship's position ... I can shoot these fireworks from wherever I want on the bottom screen, and at angles, too. Makes me wonder why the ship is there in the first place.

0:06 Ah ... the ship is there to collect the little stars that fall from the sky when I hit targets. Switching between shooting and moving is fun in the tutorial, but I can see it becoming a little hectic in a game situation. Also, when I miss targets, burning firework debris comes down and I have to dodge it. This is bad firework design, IMO.

0:07 The tutorial ends with a relatively simple, 20-second game of "avoid the burning debris." On to Arcade mode: Hong Kong is the first level.

0:08 The camera pans past a seating car in a train, then out to the window, where the game actually takes place. So I guess I'm a supernatural firework-thrower ... riding a train?

0:10 To start, I play overly cautiously, carefully aiming for one balloon, then catching the star as it drops, and repeating. That gets old fast, so I send a bunch of fireworks to get many balloons at once. Some miss, but the burning debris is easy to avoid so far. Odd that this burning debris is the only thing that can hurt me so far...

0:11 "WELL DONE! Level Cleared! ENJOY THIS BONUS ZONE!" It's a glorified game of connect-the-dots, where I trace out a dragon constellation of some sort. Matches the game's overly simple design so far.

0:12 Ah ... that apparently was just the first of 10 "Hong Kong" levels. There are eight other locations, each with 10 areas of their own. Of course, I can't play any of them until I finish Hong Kong. Sigh.

0:13 I succumb to some floating firework debris early in Level 2 ... I was distracted by the golden pigs tied to balloons on the top screen. YOU HEARD ME! Seems no limit to the number of times I can retry the level.

0:15 The first enemy that actively fires at me is ... a pair of monkeys in a paper hot air balloon. Trippy.

0:17 Level 3 introduces a big dragon with a vulnerable head that shoots high-arcing purple pipe bombs. But it's over practically before it begins. I wish these short areas flowed together a little better, instead of sending me back to the menu after only two minutes of play. Maybe a checkpoint/lives system would help? Also, since there's no scoring, it doesn't seem to matter HOW I complete the level ... just playing is its own reward, I guess? Weak...

0:19 Level 4 has cats on clouds that throw showers of deadly golden coins. I'm finding I have to focus on the bottom screen a lot more now. I barely have time to look up and aim ... I just send up shots semi-randomly using my peripheral vision. This leads to a lot of missed-shot debris, but it's easy enough to dodge.

0:23 Level 6 starts with a giant panda that goes away as quickly as he appears. I'm so focused on trying to hit him that I die twice in rapid succession.

0:26 The giant panda returns in Level 7, but this time I manage to do him in. I feel a little bad. Pandas are an endangered species, y'know.

0:31 Level 9 is lousy with pandas. Also with twin monkeys floating around in hard-to-hit patterns. This is already getting a little tired, though the explosive graphics are mesmerizing. The arrhythmic music is oddly soothing, too.

0:34 Boss level. It's a dragon statue protected by two pink will-o-the-wisps (wearing what look like sunglasses?). The statue cracks open and reveals three different forms of a dragon boss, all of which fill the screen with a LOT of bullets. There's no penalty for missing with my shots, it seems, so I just send up a flood of my own bullets -- when I'm not dodging desperately, that is. I die once, but win on my second try. Aurora is next. BRING IT ON!

0:35 New rules for Aurora: "The snow flakes show where the wind blows. ... Draw a spiral with your stylus. It will absorb bullets!" Neat!

0:37 I'm in another train, this one with snowy wooden benches. Outside is a frozen scene, and my ship is now a snowball. The fireballs I throw are lilt lazily in the wind, so I have to aim slightly right of my target. On the plus side, much of the fiery debris gets blown away before it can reach me.

0:40 As if the robotic penguin snowman pirates from Aurora Level 1 weren't weird enough, Level 2 introduces giant bunnies wearing 3-D glasses ... riding on magic carpets. I wish I could make stuff like this up.

0:43 The clouds that have occasionally protected the enemies are back in Level 3, only now they're raining killer, candy-colored raindrops. I die twice in the hail. It gets bad enough that I have to use my new bullet-sucking spiral power. It lasts an impressively long time and allows me to race to the finish.

0:45 The Bonus Zones here are different ... I have to tap on ice blocks to reveal the connect-the-dots points, but if I tap too much I blow the whole thing up. I also wonder what makes it a "Bonus" zone, especially since I get it on literally every level and there's no scoring mechanism to give a bonus to.

0:46 Back to the main menu to see if there are any other modes before my hour is up. There's a Challenge mode ("This mode has scores," I'm told) and a Mission mode and a "??? Mode." I can't play any of them, of course. %#$(&^#. I bought the game, let me play it! Well, OK, I got the game for free ... but still!

0:48 Avian hockey goalies are shooting unbreakable pucks at me. That's all I have to say.

0:50 I'm just realizing how much the sound cues are helping me out here -- when I hear a certain kind of explosion, I know to look up for the falling star. Good design, that. I'm also loving the hand-drawn characters -- reminds me a bit of Yoshi's Island.

0:55 I suppose now, after my fifth death from random icicles that fly in from all sides of the screen, is as good a time as any to mention all the icicles that are constantly flying in from all sides of the screen to kill me.

0:57 Finally done with Level 8, thanks to help of the bullet-sucking spiral (would be a great name for a rock band!). The constellation I make in the Bonus Round is a snowy hill with a boulder running people over. I ... I don't remember that one from astronomy...

0:59 The boss this time is a TOTALLY RAD walrus, complete with leather jacket and rainbow Mohawk. He throws glowing yellow fish bones and drops huge teetering icicles on me. My only questions: What drugs were the designers of this game on? And where can I get some?

Would I play this game for more than an hour? Yes.


Why? The unique control scheme works well enough, and the difficulty is skirting the edge of relaxing and engaging quite well. Plus, I'm loving the batshit insane character design.

This column is based on a retail copy of the game provided by the publisher.

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