Boogerman: A Pick and Flick Adventure

Developer: Interplay

Publisher: Interplay

Price: 800 Wii Points ($8)

Original Release: Sega Genesis, 1994

Virtual Console Release: Nov. 24, 2008


Recommendation: Fry It

In 1994, there was a large segment of the game-buying market that found boogers, farts and burping absolutely hilarious. That's the only way I can justify the existence of Boogerman: A Pick and Flick Adventure, a forgettable run-and-jump-and-shoot-boogers-and-fart-and-burp platformer.

As a plumber-turned-gross-out-superhero in a freak accident, you run through some haphazardly arranged levels and fight a nonsensical mix of enemies by using the aforementioned gross-out powers (or simply jumping on them in a pinch). The animation is impressively vibrant, but it comes at the expense of usable controls -- jumps are particularly hard to position and I found myself constantly sliding into enemies accidentally. The general design is depressingly linear, punctuated by a few frustratingly out-of-the-way "secrets" to collect by using pinpoint jumps that usually aren't worth the effort.

If you have a five-year-old son who has a high tolerance for frustrating game design, maybe consider buying this for him. Otherwise, just forget about it.

Forgotten Worlds

Developer: Capcom

Publisher: Sega

Price: 800 Wii Points ($8)

Original Release: Sega Genesis, 1989

Virtual Console Release: Nov. 17, 2008


Recommendation: Try It

There are three things that make this otherwise generic side-scrolling shoot-'em-up relatively unique. One is the ability to angle your shots in any direction by turning your gun using the face buttons. Another is a shop that pops up during the levels, letting you use money collected from downed enemies to buy new weapons, armor and health. The third is that the game is batshit insane!

How insane? Well, to start with, your character isn't a spaceship but a floating, shirtless guy with tight blue pants (or red pants, if you're the second player). The short between-level cut scenes are full of laughably mangled English translations like "It takes more than a paramecium to stop us" and "Darn, didn't get a date with Cleopatra!" One of the bosses is a floating Sphinx with a detachable head. Another is a giant orange dragon that spits flying lizardmen out of its mouth.

I could go on, but I think my brain might explode if I do. Overall, the game has some interesting ideas, but it doesn't bring the tight level design or challenge of other shmups of its time. Shooter fans might want to check it out as a historical curiosity, but that's pretty much it.


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Metal Slug 2

Developer: Nazca Corp.

Publisher: D4 Publisher

Price: 900 Wii Points ($9)

Original Release: Neo Geo, 1998

Virtual Console Release: Dec. 1, 2008


Recommendation: Try It

War is hell ... unless you're playing a Metal Slug game, in which case war is bright, action-packed and truly frenetic. As one of four largely interchangeable, gun-toting characters, you run and jump from the left side of the level to the right, using a variety of weapons and massive super-vehicles to take out screens filled with generic-bad-guy-type enemies and massive mechanical bosses. Everything is enhanced by the series' trademark beautifully smooth animation, although there is some frustrating slowdown during some of the more intense boss fights.

The game is relatively easy for the Metal Slug series, which means it's incredibly hard when compared to games designed for mere mortals. A strictly limited number of lives and continues means it will be hard to make it all the way through to the end, which is a shame because each stage offers a cornucopia of interesting enemies and environments. Even if you fail to finish, though, you're likely to have a lot fun trying, especially if you have a friend to join in the carnage. Still, those who aren't experienced fans of the genre will probably find the game overwhelming, and those who are fans of the genre should probably pick up a used copy of Metal Slug Anthology, which also includes six other great games from the series.

Sonic the Hedgehog 2

Developer: Sega

Publisher: Sega

Price: 500 Wii Points ($5)

Original Release: Sega Master System, 1992

Virtual Console Release: Dec. 8, 2008


Recommendation: Fry It

Be warned, this is not the Sega Genesis version of the Sonic the Hedgehog 2 that you likely remember from your youth. This is a completely different game designed for Sega's 8-bit NES competitor, the Sega Master System. While the underpowered hardware does a decent job replicating Sonic's graphics and design, it's obvious this wasn't a flagship product for the company. The levels are extremely short and don't take advantage of Sonic's trademark speed. The game is missing many of the abilities and items that made the Genesis versions so popular, and the lowered resolution on the Master System makes it hard to see what's coming, making exploration much more frustrating.

A few interesting, unique features, like some hang-gliding sections, aren't enough to recommend this one over the superior Genesis version, which is also available on the Virtual Console for only $3 more. Go ahead, splurge. You'll be the same millionaire.


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Space Invaders: The Original Game

Developer: Taito

Publisher: Taito

Price: 800 Wii Points ($8)

Original Release: SNES, 1994

Virtual Console Release: Nov. 17, 2008


Recommendation: Fry It

Well, it delivers what it says on the tin, I'll give it that. Yes, Space Invaders: The Original Game is indeed an arcade-perfect conversion of the insanely popular late-'70s arcade game that caused a run on 100-yen coins in Japan. You can even choose from a variety of cabinet designs, including the sit-down cocktail cabinet and versions that include full-color Invaders (Wow! Color! What breathtaking technology!).

The slow-paced, one-shot-at-a-time battle against the encroaching horde is fun for a while, but it just doesn't stand up to repeated play, or to the test of time. There is a somewhat interesting split-screen two-player mode that adds a little bit of novelty to the proceedings, but this doesn't do much to extend the game's limited longevity. Considering all the versions of Space Invaders that can be freely played on the Internet these days, as well as the other, more exciting and involved shooters on the Virtual Console, I can only recommend this to the most nostalgic of old-school gamers.

Space Invaders Get Even

Developer: Taito

Publisher: Taito

Price: 500 Wii Points ($5)

Virtual Console Release: Dec. 1, 2008


Recommendation: Fry It

Milking the 30th anniversary of Space Invaders for all it's worth, Taito has released this slapdash revival. Don't be fooled by the name -- this game has nearly nothing to do with the original Space Invaders, save for the token appearance of the titular characters. Instead, you control a flying saucer that terrorizes hapless, generic urban landscapes by shooting 2-D Invaders at all the buildings while dodging the defenses of the assembled military-industrial complex.

It's interesting in theory, but severely hampered by some extremely muddy graphics, extremely dull city designs, and extremely imprecise controls (the Invaders seem to treat your Wii remote-aimed shots as suggestions rather than strict orders to be followed). In addition, there's usually so much flashy destruction happening on-screen that it's extremely hard to figure out exactly what's going on.

Not that it really matters ... just by pressing forward and constantly firing, you can quickly make it through the game's three short levels. There is the option to purchase more levels from the Wii Shop Channel, but the only thing worse than spending $5 on this mess of a game would be spending even more to extend the torture.