Games for Lunch: Deadliest Catch: Alaskan Storm

In a nutshell: Realistically dull.
12/3/2008 7:20 PM | 0 Comments | Page 1 of 3

Developer: Liquid Storm
Publisher: Greenwave Games
Release Date: June 17, 2008
Systems: Xbox 360 (reviewed), PC
ESRB Rating: T
Official Web site

0:00 My exposure to this game (and the show it's based on) comes mainly from this Penny Arcade comic. Also, it should be noted that this is the first GFL being played on my brand-new 40" Samsung LCD HDTV! Those crabs are going to look AMAZING!

0:01 Zip-update-doo-dah.

0:02 A high-def yet still blocky-looking boat, the Northwestern, floats on choppy waters as three disembodied heads look on above the title. "Wanted Dead or Alive" plays in the background. Makes me want to play Rock Band...

0:03 "Ice builds up faster on the side of your boat that is the most exposed to wind." Thanks for the nautical tip, loading screen!

0:04 In the Bering Sea: "Mayday, mayday ... we are taking on water ... mayday!" A window cracks as a wave washes over a guy in a yellow raincoat. The U.S. Coast Guard ship is rushing in, ETA 15 minutes. A chopper flies off the deck of the savior ship.

0:05 Suddenly, a video of some guy (from the show?) comes on explaining, in a very unpolished manner, that some heavy storm-force winds are coming. I'm not close enough to help in the rescue, so I have to go back to harbor. "The autopilot is set ... all you need to do is take the throttle and control the speed." Really? That's it?

0:06 The choppy water is matched by the extremely choppy frame rate.

0:07 Pointless quote of the moment: "One of us is gonna get sick, and it ain't me." The game actually comes to a complete halt to deliver this bon mot.

0:08 The Coast Guard reports that there's no one on board the damaged ship and that we should keep an eye out for survivors. Finally time for some action?

0:10 Nope. Instead I get to watch the boat lurch towards the harbor extremely slowly. As I fiddle with the camera, we succeed!

0:11 "Just don't crash my boat!" says the unpolished guy as he hands over the controls. I turn the camera to look at some sea lions outside the window. CUTE!

0:13 The radar controls are explained, then I'm told to slow down to let the Coast Guard cutter pass. "These are the rules of the road you need to follow." Wow ... thrilling...

0:14 I can now say that this game accurately captures the lack of excitement of watching a Coast Guard boat pass by slowly in front of you.

0:15 The game finally explains how to steer and gives me full control! The Shellfish wants a race. That's a boat, not an actual shellfish.

0:17 After a thrilling (read: not thrilling) 11.5-knot dash, I beat the Shellfish to the entrance of the bay. "The Shellfish is always bragging about how fast they are, turns out the Northwestern has all the speed you need." Um, I actually need a little more than 12 knots to excite me.

0:19 Bow thrusters let me turn veeeery slowly without using the throttle. They help me maneuver the boat into the dock veeeery slowly. "You guys sure took your sweet time. I've been waiting here forever." Oh, I'm sorry Matt ... it seems I'm in a boat that only goes 11 knots, not a FREAKIN' FERRARI!