Developer: Dessgeega

Publisher: Dessgeega
Release Date: Feb. 29, 2008

System: PC

ESRB Rating: N/A

Official Web site

0:00 I've had this one sitting in a Firefox tab waiting to be downloaded for a while now. After playing nothing but high-profile blockbusters for the past few weeks, I need a little Mighty Bomb Jack-inspired indie platforming to cleanse the palate.

0:01 I'm not including the few minutes it took to download this 29 MB game, but I am including the whole minute it took to load up the game.

0:02 The title screen appears with some catchy MIDI piano in the background. Leather-clad Jill looks up at a twisted tower in the background. The credits roll in fancy script. In some painted scenes, Jill kisses and licks the boots of her mistress. "Greedy slut! You haven't earned that!" Cut to pixilated, old-school 2-D as Jill is sent tumbling to the bottom of a dungeon. "Your safe word is 'ESC.' Repeat it if you really want to stop." Heh.

0:04 Jill can jump about seven to eight times her height. Even Mario can't do that unassisted! Tapping the jump button in mid-air cuts a jump short ... this takes some getting used to. Usually I just hold the jump button as long as I want to keep rising.

0:05 The dark dungeon has given way to a green brick background. So far, the jumps have been rather simple. I'm not really digging the oddly discordant background music.

0:06 A column with a dollop of fire on top does me in. I have to get better about precise control in midair.

0:07 These same fire columns must have gotten me a dozen times already. It requires pitch-perfect timing at the top of the jumping arc to pass them. Nice to play a game that gets tough so quickly.

0:09 I finally make it past the fire columns, only to bang my head on the ceiling and fall into some fire on a tough wraparound jump. This is not a game for platforming neophytes...

0:10 I'm getting good at the fire columns, but now I've bumped my head three times. ARGH!

0:11 I make it around the jump on the fourth try.

0:12 Oh, I forgot to mention that Jill is good at hovering in midair if she needs to. Just jam on the shift button repeatedly. This is important to make some precise single-block landings here.

0:15 First real enemy alert: A yellow spider that moves about the walls at a snail's pace. It's joined by many friends as I climb, all of them easily avoided.

0:16 Some tricky long jumps here really force me to slam the button to float across the entirety of the screen. Heh ... Jill likes it when I "slam the button." Ahem!

0:18 A noisy construction crew next door has drowned out the background music. Thank god!

0:20 In an inky black corridor now. These little, lethal yellow idol things are placed in the perfect places to make my jumps incredibly tough. I must have died a dozen times already. This is TOUGH!

0:22 I make it past one particularly tough idol and reach a checkpoint. I've never been so happy to have unlimited lives.

0:24 Finally made it through the yellow idol section. Let's just say those fire columns were NOTHING!

0:25 Interesting hover-descent through a slalom of fire.

0:27 Ugh ... now I'm dodging spiders as I jump back and forth across the screen over and over. This requires me to lure the spiders out of the way, then jump incredibly precisely. Not too tough, but my shift button is getting a workout.

0:30 Some rampant slowdown as I run through narrow hallways filled with spiders. Do I need a better computer for a game that looks like it could have been made in 1985?

0:32 Some jagged, narrow, spiked corridors give me trouble, and force me to take things very slowly and methodically.

0:34 I make it to a large black room, empty except for four spiders and some torture implements in the background. A block at the top counts down from 50 every time I jump. Looks like I have to HOP to it. HAR HAR! I crack me up.

0:35 The hops are done quickly enough. These spiders are really rather easy to direct and avoid. Where are the harder enemies?

0:36 I reach the golden door I was kicked out of back at the beginning. In another static, painted cut scene, I run down a hallway. "I DID IT, MY QUEEN!" I scream "So you did," she replies as she caresses me lovingly. "Now get down there and do it again!" I'm tied up and ball-gagged, but I still manage to make a cute little *wink* at the camera. "YOUR TIME: 25:28" The game automatically quits out to the desktop.

0:38 According to the Web site, I get another, harder dungeon if I complete the game in 12 minutes. So here we go again. I won't be updating as much this time, as I've got to focus here!

0:40 I made it to the first yellow spider room already. Now that I'm being timed, everything's a lot more tense. It's also a lot more annoying when the game randomly misses a button press and sends me plummeting.

0:44 I made it to the annoying black room with the yellow idols. Overall, I'm doing much better than last time, but the rush is causing me to die in places that weren't even close to challenging before.

0:47 After a truly AMAZING run of skillful jumping, I make it out of the idol section room with only three deaths. I made it through the last two-thirds without being touched once! Damn, I'm good.

0:49 The fire slaloms are more interesting now that I'm trying to fall as fast as possible. Not harder, really, but more interesting at least.

0:50 I only die once, to the screen-crossing yellow spider section, but every second counts. This is gonna be close.

0:52 An errant press of the jump button does me in in the room of jagged spikes. I don't think I'm gonna make it...

0:54 I made it through the torture chamber of 50 jumps in what must be record time! I leap up the final set of yellow platforms and...


@@
0:56 "YOUR TIME: 12:41." NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOO...

0:57 ...OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO...

0:58 ...ooooooooooo*inhale*oooooooooooooooo...

0:59 ...ooo*cough*ooooooo*wheeze*ooooo...

1:00 ...oooo*collapses from lack of oxygen*

Would I play this game for more than an hour? Yes.


Why? I think one more try will get me to that second dungeon. After that's done, though, it probably won't have much replay value. Doesn't mean I didn't enjoy it, though.

This column is based on a freeware copy of the game downloaded from the official Web site.

Want to know more about Games for Lunch? Check out the FAQ here.



For more Games for Lunch, visit the official GfL blog.