Developer: Bethesda Softworks

Publisher: Bethesda Softworks

Release Date: Oct. 28, 2008

Systems: PS3 (reviewed), Xbox 360, PC

ESRB Rating: M

Official Web site

0:00 While I've never touched any of the previous Fallout games, I've been excited about this one ever since I saw a demo at the Bethesda offices about a year ago.

0:01 "Please Stand By," reads a still frame on a slide projector, followed by slides featuring the Bethesda logos. Then a slide with a hulking beast in a gas mask. As I view the main menu, the background shows slides of a "Grognak the Barbarian" comic, "Nikola Tesla and You!" and an ad saying that "D.C.'s fastest highway is underground!"

0:03 Close-up on a vacuum tube that starts to crackle with energy. Slow zoom out to show it as part of a busted radio playing an old-timey song. Close-up on a dashboard hula girl, then zoom out farther to show it as part of a rusty bus with bombed-out windows. Zoom out farther to show the bus has no back and the wreckage that once was Washington D.C., complete with the Washington Monument in background. That heavily armored gas mask guy turns towards the camera. Fade to black. "Bethesda Software Presents: FALLOUT 3." (Yes, so far it's just been the teaser trailer).

0:06 "War ? War never changes. Since the dawn of human time, when man found the killing power of rock and bone, blood has been spilled ... By 2077, the destructive nature of man could sustain itself no longer." A mushroom cloud rises in the background. The apocalypse was "simply the prologue in another bloody chapter of human history. For man had succeeded in destroying the world. But War ... War never changes." Deep.

0:07 Much of humanity retreated to the safety of underground vaults during the nuclear war, only to return to "the hell of the wastes" when they emerged. In Vault 101, though, "the giant steel door closed and never reopened. It's here you were born. It's here you will die. Because in Vault 101, no one ever enters and no one ever leaves." Depressing!

0:08 Fade to black. I hear a loud heartbeat and baby crying. Oh, I'm the baby! The picture slowly gets less fuzzy as I focus on the doctor. "Let's see, are you a boy, or a girl?" he asks. Let me check. Hmm, seems I'm a boy.

0:09 "We've got a son, Catherine, a beautiful, healthy baby boy," says an unseen father. "You've got a bright future ahead of you son, I'm sure of it." They need to name me, which means I really need to name me. If I'm the one playing this role, shouldn't the name be chosen for me by someone else? I name myself Vault Boy, because that's not confusing at all.

0:10 A "gene projection" machine shows what I'll look like when I'm grown up. Again, I can change this at my leisure. Because I'm splicing my own genes or something? Whatever...

0:12 I can still change my gender at this point. I think becoming a female at this point would really freak out dear old dad, don't you?

0:13 Instead of plodding through the incredible myriad of face-morphing options, I just click through some "random" faces until I get a nice round, evenly shaped one that I like. Of course, I add the "Mad Max" Mohawk, because this is a post-apocalyptic wasteland. A beatnik beard completes the look.

0:14 "You're going to look a lot like your dad." So I was actually playing with my dad's looks there? This is so confusing!

0:15 My mom goes into cardiac arrest for no real reason, and I'm taken away as they start CPR. Fade to white as I hear a bunch of random voices calling out over the years.

0:16 The screen fades back as dad tells me not to look directly into the light. I'm viewing the world from knee-level height as my dad (who does look a lot like me) asks me to walk over to him. "Just a year old and already walking like a pro. Your mother would have been so proud." I guess she didn't make it...

0:17 Dad runs off to the office and leaves me in a metal playpen area. I kick a rubber ball around and burble "Dada." My character isn't mute? Huzzah!

0:18 OK, the ball gets boring quickly. I open the playpen gate to explore. I feel like I'm in a post-apocalyptic episode of "Rugrats."

0:19 In my room, a plaque reads: "I am the Alpha and Omega, the beginning and the end. I will give unto him that is athirst of the fountain of the water of life freely." Revelation 21:6. That seems inappropriate for a baby's room, eh?

0:20 On to the "You're Special!" book that's lying on the floor, featuring a baby with a thumbs-up on the cover. This is how the game lets me adjust my "SPECIAL" meter: Strength, Perception, Endurance, Charisma, Intelligence, Agility, Luck. Each one has a page written like a children's book. "C is for Charisma, it's why people think I'm great! I make my friends all laugh and smile and never want to hate!" While that sounds great, I actually pump my points into Strength, Perception, Endurance and Intelligence.

0:23 Dad comes back and calls me over to show me mom's favorite Bible passage, which I mentioned earlier. Then, just like that, we're off to "see if your little friend Amata wants to play." What's Amata? Nothing! What's Amata with you? HAHAHA!

0:24 As we walk, the scene fades to white again, and fades out during a surprise birthday party for me. "I can't believe you're already 10. I'm so proud of you," beams Dad. The overseer comes in and presents me my "very own PIP-Boy 3000." Tomorrow I get my first work assignment. "Enjoy your party. You're only 10 once, so have fun."

0:26 Amata asks me if I was surprised. I lie and respond, "You didn't fool me. I just pretended not to know." "You're such a liar," she ascertains correctly. Guess I need more Charisma...

0:27 I tell Amata that I hope she got me a date with Christine for my birthday. Nope ... she actually got me a Grognak the Barbarian comic. But she's not giving it to me now that she knows I like "Mean Christine." For the rest of the party she crosses her arms and seems standoffish. Do I detect ... jealousy?

0:29 It seems the local bullies have been invited to my party. One tries to be nice to me, but the others ostracize him for his tenderness. Bullying. Bullying never changes.

0:30 Meanwhile, a robot cuts the cake. The future is awesome!

0:31 As I talk to some people at the party, I pick up bits of other conversations from across the room. The crosstalk is both impressively realistic and a bit annoying at the same time. Thank god for subtitles.

0:33 Apparently Amata help put together the entire party. And the Overseer confirms that she seems to like me. Wow, now I feel like a jerk for talking about "Mean Christine."

0:34 Here I am enjoying my party, when head bully Butch comes up and complains that the robot destroyed the cake. He demands the sweet roll I got as a gift from Old Lady Palmer. I get to choose from a wide array of responses, including spitting on it and giving it to him and insulting his mom. That last one sounds appealing...

0:36 Insulting Butch's mom seems to have gotten his ire up. He starts punching at me, but none of the gathered adults seems to notice or care. Meanwhile, Dad gets a message on the intercom about a special surprise upstairs. He says, no one will mind if I slip out for a few minutes. I think Butch will mind, as he's still busy punching me! I can't even figure out how to defend myself!

0:37 Eventually Officer Gomez comes over from the barstool to pull Butch off of me. He asks me what that was all about. I tell him it was "just boys being boys," which seems to satisfy him. While the facial expressions and voice acting are top-notch, the mouth movements on these characters are really off-putting somehow.

0:38 An older woman named Beatrice comes in and calls me "dearie." I respond rudely, telling her I'm not a five-year-old girl. She just laughs and condescends to me some more. She wrote me a poem. "You've got to be kidding me," I tell her. "No, I wrote it just for you." Man, she's immune to sarcasm, isn't she?

0:40 I'm off to see what Dad's surprise is, even though I'm not very eager to leave the party. A little subtle arrow on my compass points the general direction, while the Pip-Boy has a more detailed map.

0:42 Down on the reactor level, Jonas and Dad give me a BB gun. Dad leads me down to an empty hall with some targets I can practice on. Finally, some action! Enough of this baby stuff!

0:43 When Dad says he hopes I like my present, I rudely tell him that "a shotgun would have been nice." There's genuine hurt on his face as he responds: "Maybe you haven't grown up as much as I thought." Man, being a jerk in this game is going to be tougher than normal...

0:45 The targeting system for the BB gun is decent enough to hit the close, non-moving targets. Then a Radroach appears at my feet. I activate the V.A.T.S. system, which lets me pause the action and target the giant insect by body part. This gets annoying quickly and I just end up shooting it freehand.

0:47 Jonas takes a picture of me and dad and the flash fades the screen to white again. "As far as I can tell, you're a normal 16-year-old boy, so yes, you do have to go take your G.O.A.T. exam," says a remonstrative Dad. That's the Generalized Occupational Aptitude Test, of course. Dad looks distinctly older than he did at the party.

0:50 Dad gives a moving soliloquy on life in the Vault, how it's imperfect but better than the world outside. The timing and pitch on this vocal delivery is near-perfect, and the writing ain't bad either. I'm genuinely touched when he talks about my dear departed mom.

0:51 "Quest Added: FUTURE IMPERFECT!" Seems a bit ominous.

0:52 An errant tap of R2 gives me the option of punching a visiting Jonas in the back of the head. I'm curious as to what would happen...

0:53 Jonas totally ignores my punches. He doesn't even wobble ... he just keeps walking to where he was going. What a gyp!

0:54 On the way to the G.O.A.T., I run into the leather-jacket-clad party bullies, who are giving Amata a hard time because she's the Overseer's daughter and "thinks she's better than us."

0:55 I decide to defend Amata's honor, out of a desire to try out the fighting controls more than anything else.

0:57 Despite being outnumbered three-to-one, my fists win the day, thanks mainly to some useful V.A.T.S. targeting of one bully's fat head. "You're not worth our time anyway," say the fleeing tough guys. Amata: "Thanks for getting rid of them. Assholes." Ooh, casual cursing. Be still, my heart.

0:59 On to the G.O.A.T. classroom. I whine to the teacher and, surprisingly, he offers to just up and give me the results I want without my taking the test. He just needs to know what I'm interested in. My choices are: computers, BB guns, blowing stuff up, or "Mr. B, if I told you what my interests are, you'd have me locked up." That last one sounds amusing.

1:00 For my flippant answer, I get assigned skills in lock-picking, melee weapons and sneaking. Of course, I seem to be able to change these skills whenever I want, so the whole test seems kind of pointless.

Would I play this game for more than an hour? Yes.

Why? They've started to build a pretty believable world here, with some interestingly rich characters and dialogue. If the larger-scale combat holds up, this could be a keeper.

This column is based on a retail copy of the game provided by the publisher.

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