Tokyo Game Show Diary

The Fryer had the distinct pleasure of sending our first-ever reporter to the Tokyo Game Show this year. Here's his hour-by-hour report from the show floor.

Oct. 11

2:45 a.m. Land in Tokyo airport after a 55-hour flight from New York that got rerouted through Atlanta, Dallas, San Francisco, Anchorage and, bizarrely, Sri Lanka. I'm two days late, but still in time for the last two "open to the public" days of the show.

4:00 a.m. I arrive at my $500-a-night hotel room, which is actually a narrow, person-sized tube with a 19-inch LCD plasma screen mounted six inches above a pillow. The travel literature billed this room as "luxurious."

A warm welcome at the Makuhari Messe

8:00 a.m. After a luxurious hour of sleep and a $30, two-hour train ride, I arrive at the Makuhari Messe in Chiba City. Let's do this!

8:05 a.m. I misjudge my movements during the initial push through the doors and somehow end up entangled in a group of about 30,000 fans and journalists who are eagerly shuffling towards the demo for the new Monster Hunter game. Before I know it, I'm stuck in the middle of a large auditorium, unable to get out or even breathe easily.

11:00 a.m. The Monster Hunter demo is finally over. I wasn't able to get a translation headset, so I didn't really follow what was being said. Based on the crowd reaction, though, I can safely say that my kidneys could quite possibly be permanently damaged.

11:30 a.m. A guy in an Aeris costume just surreptitiously grabbed my butt. I don't know whether to be offended or excited.

12:00 p.m. Lunch: A $30 hamburger with no bun.

1:00 p.m. I leave for a scheduled 3 p.m. demo of Loco Roco 2 at the Sony booth, which is all the way on the other side of the convention center.

3:00 p.m. After fighting through the dense crowds, I make it to the Sony booth precisely on time, only to realize that I will have to leave for my Capcom appointment almost immediately. My five-minute verdict of Loco Roco 2: Cute!

5:00 p.m. I make it to the Capcom booth just in time to see them powering off the last Street Fighter IV machine. My five-second, eyes-on verdict: Tough!

@@

Taking note of local nightlife traditions

6:00 p.m. I make way for the nearest bar. Apparently this bar has a rather unique item on the menu: a wrapped fish, rice and seaweed dish called "Sue-She." It's pretty tasty. If you ever come to Tokyo you should try it. They also serve a rice-based alcohol called "saw-key" which I plan to order in a few minutes. I'll let you know how it is.

Oct. 12

1 p.m. I wake up covered in a thin layer of filth and the clothes I was wearing the day before. I'm also wearing a giant foam finger for the Tokyo Giants, some oversized pink sunglasses and a pair of purple panties hanging around my neck. I seem to be missing my left shoe and a small chunk of my right index finger. The last thing I remember is ordering my fifth saw-key.

I saw many strange sights the next day at TGS 2008.

2 p.m. After a quick shower in a public restroom, I stumble to the Electronic Arts booth to see what they have on offer. The thumping bass and flashing lights from the screens combine with my massive hangover to turn everything into an undistinguishable blob. Before I pass out, I catch a quick glimpse of what I think is Mirror's Edge. Verdict: Trippy!

10 p.m. I wake up on an abandoned sidewalk outside the convention center as a worker carrying a life-size Sephiroth Sackboy accidentally kicks me with his foot. In my hand is a ticket stub for the Square Trailer Theater. I don't remember going to the show, but I'm sure it was awesome.

11 p.m. After a $200 cab ride to the airport, I realize I've left the tickets for my 11:30 flight home in my hotel room. Tokyo, it looks like we'll be enjoying each other's company a little while longer.

Physicists using LittleBigPlanet in search of "holy grail" theory

Already, the level creation tools from LittleBigPlanet have been used to make some other impressive tools, ranging from a simplified calculator to a music synthesizer. Now physics researchers at California State University are using the game to help unlock the mysteries of the universe.

The LittleBigParticleAccelerator was built in just two days using the lab's PlayStation 3 controller.

The project, dubbed LittleBigParticleAccelerator by the research team, is a detailed, in-game replica of Switzerland's recently completed Large Hadron Collider. The spiraling, glittering, virtual metal contraption will use an ingenious series of buttons, springs, pistons and even a few winches to push and pull a stream of virtual, atom-sized hydrogen pieces spewed from a generator. Once these simulated particles reach a high enough speed, they will be thrown into another stream of slower particles, resulting in heretofore unknown virtual reactions.

The extremely complex model, which includes nearly 500,000 individual parts, took the team of three physicists only two days to create, according to the head researcher, Dr. Clarence Grigsby-Jones. "These tools are just so powerful and easy to use that creating a scale replica of the LHC was really a trifle," he said during a phone interview. "In fact, we had some extra time left over in our schedule, so we ended up building a little replica Super Mario Bros. level just to the right of the accelerator. It's pretty fun!"

Researchers are hoping that the virtual collider, once it's turned on next week, will show evidence of a virtual Higgs-Boson particle, which could be the key to the long-sought unified theory of particle and wave physics. Even the game's developers are unsure whether such a particle could exist in the game world.

"Since the open beta, we've been constantly surprised by the ingenuity and creativity of the community behind this game," said Media Molecule founder Mark Healy. "This particle accelerator is just another creation that we couldn't have possibly come up with on our own, and one that we can't easily predict the results of. However, we sincerely hope that this project will help lead to a deeper understanding of how our universe works at the subatomic level."

While some recent news reports have stated that the virtual supercollider could create a LittleBigBlackHole that would destroy all other LittleBigPlanet levels, Grigsby-Jones said such concerns were "vastly overblown."

"Citizens for Earthbound" stages second sit-in at Nintendo HQ

For the second time in as many months, the controversial "Citizens for Earthbound" group staged a sit-in outside Nintendo headquarters in Redmond, Washington today. The group of a few hundred offbeat role-playing game fans sat cross-legged for two hours, linked arm-in-arm, before being forcibly removed by security.

The Citizens for Earthbound sing an Earthbound battle theme.

"Our demands are simple," said Mike Sullivan, the group's leader, addressing the assembled throng by megaphone "One: The immediate release of Earthbound for the Wii's Virtual Console. Two: An official translation and American release for the Japanese Mother 3. Three: A new Earthbound game, developed by the original team and released as soon as possible."

Sullivan went on to deride what he called "separate and unequal" treatment that Nintendo has given to Earthbound fans over the years. "We just want the same respect that Nintendo has shown fans of franchises like Punch-Out!! and Pikmin," he said, referring to two games that have recently been confirmed to have Wii sequels in development. "We refuse to be treated as second-class citizens any longer!"

Some protesters clutched signs saying "Mario No; Ness Yes!" and "Just wait 'til your Mother gets home" as they joined together in protest chants and impromptu medleys of Earthbound music. While the event was non-violent, some protestors were briefly held by local police on weapons charges for carrying baseball bats and what one official described as "threatening-looking yo-yos."

In related news, a smaller protest group, "Earthbound for America," today announced plans to escalate their program of targeted rioting and kidnapping of Nintendo employees to further their goals. "Sit-ins and boycotts have had no effect on the entrenched power structure that keeps the Earthbound fan down," wrote EfA Grand Marshall Jim Jackson in an open letter from his jail cell. "The only thing these people understand is brute force. Earthbound will not be ignored!"

@@

The Tetris Company announces Toastris: Tetris for your Toaster

The popular, decades-old puzzle game Tetris got a tasty new lease on life today as The Tetris Company announced plans for Toastris, a version of the game that will run on the common toaster.

"Everyone loves toast, but no one likes waiting for it," said Henk Rogers, manager of the Tetris Company, at a press conference announcing the new game. "Now, finally, Toastris gives hungry gamers something to do while they wait for that warm, crispy bread to pop up."

The Toastris unit will be compatible with most toasters.

According to the fact sheet, Toastris will be packaged as a clear, thin film that unrolls and sticks to the side of any standard toaster. This film will draw energy from the heat of the toaster to power a micro-LED display that shows a full Tetris playfield. Players will tap the touch-sensitive, heat-shielded film to move and rotate the quickly falling blocks. A small ROM chip will automatically save game progress, so toast-makers can continue their game the next time they make toast.

"When I first create Tetris, I always envision it as game that work best while waiting for food to prepare in kitchen," said Alexey Pajitnov, creator of the original Tetris. "Now that dream is reality, I still look for new and exciting ways to enjoy great game of Tetris."

Added Rogers, "We're happy to add the toaster to the ever-growing family of Tetris platforms, which includes the Amiga, Amstrad CPC, Apple IIGS, Atari ST, Commodore 64, DOS, Game Boy, Game Boy Color, Game Boy Advance, Genesis, Macintosh, mobile phones, MSX, NES, Nintendo 64, Nintendo DS, PlayStation, PlayStation 2, Saturn, Super Nintendo, TRS-80 CoCo, VIC-20, Virtual Boy, Wii, Windows, WonderSwan Color, Xbox, Xbox 360 and ZX Spectrum."

In a question-and-answer session after the conference, Rogers responded to rumors about planned versions of Tetris designed for the oven, refrigerator and PlayStation 3 with a curt "no comment."

Editor's Note: If you got this far without figuring out these stories are 100 percent satire, you may have licked too much grease off the fryer.