Developer: Edge of Reality

Publisher: Sega

Release Date: June 5, 2008

Systems: PS3 (reviewed), Xbox 360, Wii, PS2, PC, DS

ESRB Rating: T

Official Web site

0:00 I liked my time with The Incredible Hulk: Ultimate Destruction, so I have high hopes for this one even though it's based on a movie. The Sega seal of potential quality has to count for something, right?

0:01 Whoop, not so fast ... version 1.1 of the software requires 14 MB of downloads. It could be worse...

0:03 A view down a secluded alley accompanies the title screen. In the background, tanks roll by. I can hear Hulk screaming and I see something throwing people ... who knows why. I hit start and a cab comes hurtling through a wall next to me. Hulk comes out of the hole in the wall like the Kool-Aid man, except much more muscley, as the menu screen pops up.

0:05 Hulk flexes and roars as I choose the Story mode. I guess he approves? Or is he against it? Really, I have no idea what emotion he's expressing with his constant roaring.

0:06 "My name is Bruce Banner. I'm trying to stop a monster." He's standing in a secluded snowscape. The screen goes blank and a gun fires. Fade back in -- Hulk spits out the bullet and screams: "BANNER!" Whoa. Dark. Five years later, in Brazil, Banner is running from some military types. He runs into a factory and a helicopter sends a missile in. I'd say that's overkill, but for the Hulk, it's almost definitely underkill.

0:07 I'm in control. The screen prompts me to press the O button repeatedly to make the Hulk burst forth from under some rubble. Whoo! Interactive!

0:08 Running around with the control stick ... seems I've got a couple of punch buttons, too. Right stick controls the camera.

0:09 "Bullets are worthless," cries one of the expendable military men standing around like idiots. Doesn't stop him from firing, though.

0:10 So far the environment is depressingly generic, the enemies are ridiculously easy to take out, the graphics are annoyingly dark (with smoke effects that get in the way of the view) and the camera controls are pretty awful. Try not to jump to conclusions but ... eeegh.

0:11 I earned a "Feat" for getting 5,000 "Destruction" points. That was easy...

0:13 New enemy alert: Guys in mech suits that stand nearly as tall as Hulk. Nice: They don't go down to one punch. Not nice: They just sit there passively as I punch them.

0:14 I unlocked the "concept art from the creation of the prologue cut scene." Wow ... I'll try and contain my enthusiasm. OK ... enthusiasm contained. That was easier than I thought.

0:15 So the screen briefly showed an objective to "defeat the helicopter," as I was leaving the room. Instead, a cut scene begins with a guy named Blonskey flying down in a black mech suit. "You're mine." What's going on?!

0:16 Quote of the moment: "There's a gorilla or something loose in here."

0:17 Blonsky's suit just takes a few more punches than the other mech suits. "Something attacked us in there. It wasn't a gorilla," he says in a cut scene. General Ross explains that it was Bruce Banner and gives some exposition about the monster's origins. "Banner was brilliant, one in a generation, but he's a scientist, not one of us." His body is property of the army, blah blah blah.

0:18 On a digital recorder, Banner prattle on about how the Hulk can be a nice guy sometimes, but that just makes him feel worse when Hulk is not a good guy. Gag.

0:20 This is more like it: Running around the street, punching cabs, hitting fools, destroying buildings. Still, it doesn't have the same joy and freedom of movement as Ultimate Destruction. I can't run on walls, for instance. Plus, it doesn't really fit with the movie. Still, punching out random business people and sending them flying is totally fun.

0:21 I run into a green area and "Mission 1: The Hulk Arrives" starts. An alien-looking floating craft hovers above me and drops some troops. "Those don't look like Army forces. They're attacking the city. They look strong ... but Hulk is stronger! Show them just how strong he is." Wait, I'm defending against an alien attack. I KNOW that wasn't in the movie.

0:24 The main difference between the "Legionnaires" I'm currently fighting and the military scrubs I fought in the warehouse: The Legionnaires' guns shoot ineffective red lasers instead of ineffective bullets.

0:25 I'm getting Feats left and right for doing nothing particularly special. I got the ability to cling to walls. I like the kind of swinging clamber Hulk does up the sides.

0:26 Cut scene: Two legionnaires have a guy hypnotized with a handheld device. "When you reach the ledge, jump," they say. "When I reach the ledge, I will jump," says hypnotized guy (HG). So The Hulk is fighting aliens who hypnotize random citizens? This is not even CLOSE to the movie. Which is OK ... the movie was awful.

0:27 Hulk shows up and the soldiers fire their ray guns at HG, to little effect. Either these guns just suck, or HG is invulnerable or something. Or it's just bad design.

0:28 HG snaps out of it. His real name is Rick Jones. "Oh man, my head. Thanks for saving me." Banner transforms to human and Jones tells him about The Enclave, four scientists with private armies who use Manhattan as a testing ground. Jones knows too much so they're after him, apparently. He wants Hulk to help to defend him. Banner says Hulk doesn't take sides, but then he agrees to take Jones' side. Whatever ... the point is, they're not aliens.

0:30 A giant purple E indicates the starting point for my next mission. "The Enclave and Rick Jones -- Part 2: Hulk meets a strike team." I can't think of anything I want to do less, so I traipse around the city instead.

0:33 So I have the Army attacking me because I'm the Hulk and the Enclave attacking me because ... they're jerks? Anyway, they all just sit there and fire ineffective weapons as I punch them repeatedly. Devil May Cry it ain't.

0:35 The nonstop barrage of enemies finally gets my health a little low, but I can recharge it using four units of my perpetually filled "Rage Meter." Goodie.

0:40 My continued insistence on destroying the army has raised the "Threat Level" to 4. This is a lot like Threat Level 3 except now they send out slightly more armored tanks. It's hard to feel threatened, though, when most weapons don't seem to faze me and all the enemies go down in a couple of hits. It's so easy it's not even fun destroying everything in sight.

0:43 Might as well go do what the game wants and accept the second mission. Not like there's anything else to do. "Objective: Fight the army." Wait, that's what I was just doing! Sheesh!

0:44 OK, I 'll admit it, playing an impromptu game of "throw the soldiers at each other" is kind of fun.

0:45 Jones apparently "just got word of an Enclave lab hidden in a building." Whoa! They're hiding in a building you say? What a CRAZY hiding place! Anyway, he wants me to knock it down. I live to serve random strangers, apparently.

0:46 So destroying the building means punching it at its base about a dozen times. Rampage it ain't.

0:47 I've walked five miles, which is apparently deserving of another ability-granting "Feat." Now I can sprint through traffic, knocking over cabs like bowling pins. Kind of fun. Also grabbing a chink of concrete apparently makes the largely ineffective bullets COMPLETELY ineffective.

0:48 "Ross has more men down here than you would believe," Jones says. Luckily for me, he only sends about a dozen at a time. Anyway, Jones tells me my best bet is to use the subway to escape. Running away seems very un-Hulk to me, so I stay and fight a bit...

0:51 It seems increasingly clear the enemies aren't going to stop coming until I escape through the subway. When did this game suddenly become The Incredible Coward?

0:55 With the mission complete, I waste a few minutes seeing if I can get the Threat Level higher than 4. Nope ... seems this weak-ass assault is the best they've got. Sigh.

Would I play this game for more than an hour? No.

Why? It seems a pale imitation of Ultimate Destruction, which I already own.

This column is based on a retail copy of the game rented from GameFly.

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