Developer: Oxygen Studios

Publisher: Crave Entertainment

Release Date: Aug. 4, 2008

Systems: Wii (reviewed), PS2, PC, DS, PSP

ESRB Rating: E

0:00 I hadn't heard of this game until it appeared in my mailbox just before I moved. I'm a big fan of real-life mini-golf, though, so it shouldn't be a tough sell.

0:01 "Oh, bless my soul," says an Elvis impersonator on the preview screen. Wha? Then straight into the intro, with the desert countryside rolling by. "Under the blistering heat of the Nevada sun, five men (there are six of us!)... six men struggle against the odds." They have to fight traps and the elements and "they're gonna have to do it all in stupid costumes." Silly scenes of the characters doing a sort of screen test and antagonizing each other. "I don't want to see no spittin', no quittin', and no out-of-bounds hittin'," says the Elvis impersonator who seems to lead this ragtag group. "Perhaps I should play the caveman," says the very English guy in the knight getup. Wow, this is gonna be cheese-tastic, I can already tell.

0:03 A quick, one-screen explanation of the controls: I have to stand up, press A, pull back, press A again, and swing.

0:04 Some desert scrub scrolls by in the background as some endearing twangy rockabilly plays. I pick career mode, where I have to "clear as many pars as possible to advance." Jurassic Classic is the first course. The course par is 36.

0:05 A simple little interface lets me purchase pedestrian things like balls and clubs, but also weird things like mulligans (buy in bulk and they're cheaper), colored balls and trails (I pick red!) soundtracks and even action figures of the characters. Cute.

0:08 As you'd imagine, the prehistoric course is full of dino bones, lava, rocks, etc. I'm playing a nerdy guy in 3-D glasses, not that I chose him or anything. The d-pad moves the shot aiming and tilts the camera up and down. I like the little red line showing where my shot will go.

0:10 No matter how I try, I can't get the game to recognize my shot. I can bring up the power meter and hold down A to get it into a good position, but flailing around like an idiot doesn't do anything.

0:12 The power bar doesn't seem to be reacting to my tilting, either. Is my controller broken?

0:14 Desperate, I try another controller. This one seems to work -- the power bar now changes as I change the angle of my remote. Looks like I broke a remote moving to my new apartment. Ack!

0:15 Now that that's settled, I take my swing, just missing a money bag that's sitting on the course. I set myself up for a nice ramp-over-the-gap shot. The red line shot guide shows it bouncing off the edge, but I don't let that stop me. It makes it over, then bounces out of play. That'll teach me for using a rubber ball. Oh, well. I use up a mulligan and retry with a regular ball. The ball goes in on my "third" shot and I get $150. My nerdy avatar pumps a fist.

0:18 "Pyroclastermania" is up next, an ice age hole with a huge ramp up to a flat area with sliding ice blocks. Wish there was a way to get a better look around the course before my shot.

0:19 I get around the sliding barriers without much problem and get another three. "I am good!" says my guy. I like the shot power interface, which tells me how far I am from the pin and roughly how far each level of the power bar represents. I'm not as impressed with the physics, which causes the ball to stop abruptly rather than rolling gently into place.

0:20 I'm pretty sure the next hole, "Crator Crazy," is misspelled. That's a bad sign. Anyway, I have to use the lip of the "crator" to hop the ball onto a little island in the middle of some lava. I score another three. My second putts keep coming close to the hole, but not quite getting in there.

0:23 On "Little Foot Adventure," I get two money bags in one shot. "WONGA!" says the screen, in big letter, as my character jumps for joy. Wonga? I score another three, mainly because I have trouble reading the slope of the small hills. You'd think that would be an important part of a mini-golf game, something they'd address with some arrows or shading gradations. Nope, nothing!

0:25 "Longest Yard," shows off some interesting hole design. I can take my time on a crooked, narrow path OR go risky and try to hop between islands on the ramps. I do the daring thing and get $50 in money. ("CASH!" reads the screen). I can't seem to break the three-shot barrier! Grrr.

0:27 "Pterodon Trails" features a wide variety of spinning and shifting obstacles. I have to time my shot just right to get by. And I do, setting up an easy two-fer. That's right, A TWO! Take that, three-shot barrier! My "Great play" earns me $650. If only my real job were so lucrative!

0:29 I wish my nerdy guy would move out of the way-- he makes it hard to see the aim of my shot. Meanwhile, the latest hole has another lava pit, more moving blockers, blah blah blah.

0:33 My first truly awful hole starts off with my rubber ball bouncing over a small lava pit (good) but then right out of bounds (bad!). What's worse, it seems the ball is now lost for good! A couple more out-of-bounds shots and I end up with an awful 10. And that's WITH two mulligans! Ouch! I do like the giant, snapping piranha in the background, though.

0:35 The next hole is more my speed, an icy course with three quick moving blocks that require pinpoint timing to slide on by. Another two and $650 more! Booyah!

0:36 Seems I just missed the gold medal on the course because of the weak hole eight. Boo!

0:37 I buy a few new "speed balls" and a bunch of mulligans before moving on to "Tyrannosaurus Rocks." Groan.

0:39 On the first hole, "around the rim," I quickly waste two mulligans trying to be fancy with the speed ball (and falling in the lava each time). After that I play it conservative, get some more money bags ("MOOLAH!" says the screen) and make a huge putt from 30 feet away! I barely make par, despite the two mulligans. This is getting tough!

0:42 On the next hole, I try for a fancy shot ramping over some moving cardboard lava. I hit the lava instead, and what's worse, the game doesn't let me use a mulligan for some reason! What a gyp! I end up with a five, but a lot of on-course moolah for my trouble.

0:45 So on this next hole, it's pretty obvious I'm supposed to use this rapid pusher thing to push the ball down the ramp to the left. Only problem is, every time I get the ball in the notch, it gets pushed out of bounds! Frustrating! I still beat par, with help of mucho mulligans.

0:49 I'm digging this latest hole, an inventive and easy-on-the-eyes set of raised ice craters. The ball rolls and bounces realistically up the sides of the ice walls. Still takes me a lot of mulligans to get it just right, but my score is good once I do.

0:53 I'm determined to get a hole-in-one on this latest hole, a straight shot with a few periodic rising stone blockers, so I use my mulligans like candy. The ball just keeps sliding right over the hole! I eventually run out of mulligans, but I bull-headedly keep trying for the straight shot, anyway, even though I could go around. Several more out-of-bounds dips in the lava and I end up with the course-max of 15! Gah! Still, the game tells me: "Well done, you beat your personal best!" HA!

0:55 My ball is rolling along just fine on a tricky, narrow course, then it lands on a speed plate that sends it FLYING into the lava. Sigh. Meanwhile, the money I collect is called "DOSH!" this time. Does anyone actually call money dosh?

0:58 I try and get too fancy on "Ice Age Rage," by hopping over the water instead of using the bridges. I end up in the drink again and again. Oh, well.

Would I play this game for more than an hour? No.


Why? The course design is almost too clever for its own good, and the bare bones, super-cheesy presentation is more annoying than endearing. Not awful, but utterly mediocre.

This review is based on a retail copy of the game provided by the publisher.



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