Developer: Indie Built

Publisher: Microsoft Game Studios

Release Date: Nov. 20, 2001

System: Xbox

ESRB Rating: E

0:00 SSX, which came out about a year earlier, was one of my favorite PlayStation 2 games of all time. So there's no excuse for this to be any worse, right? Right! I'll just be happy if the game makes me forget about the current summer heat.

0:01 Sounds of an old film projector whir about as the title burns away to show real video of snowboarders mixed with video of in-game snowboarders. The real boarders look a lot better. This isn't that surprising, I guess, since they're real, but putting the game right next to real video doesn't make the game look too good.

0:03 I start a new career and I'm asked to divide some stat points between spin, balance, jump, speed and switch. I go for a balanced breakfast of stats because I am incredibly boring.

0:04 Now I can choose from a bunch of extremely generic-looking characters who don't even have names. I'm practically begging for the over-the-top stereotypes of SSX at this point. I go with the slightly Asian-looking guy, because Asians are good at snowboarding, right? I can't even keep my stereotypes straight anymore.

0:05 Not only can I can choose from four colors of baseball caps, but also a smattering of beanies and bandanas. WHOA! I pick a snowboard that helps my balance, jump and speed ratings a bit. Let's go!

0:06 The world-famous "Brighton 1" is up first. I can pick from two different runs after some quickish loading. "Trick in front of the cameraman to get Media Points. Oh, yeah, don't forget to work on that high score."

0:08 Right off, I notice the frame rate is a little janky. The whole mountain looks a little plain and empty. "Hey, try landing that next time," says a cameraman as I fail to land a trick. "Hey, screw you!" I yell at the TV.

0:10 I complete the first level of the media and high score challenges without breaking a sweat. My world rank ticks up to 124th. So far, the controls are giving me some problems. Every spin has to be landed pretty close to perfectly, which makes the game more "realistic" than SSX, but also less fun. Using the face buttons for grabs isn't nearly as intuitive as using the shoulder buttons.

0:11 I made the family newsletter, apparently. This news is accompanied by a hilarious, old-fashioned photo of mom thinking about me snowboarding and writing with an inkwell. Then she falls asleep as a chimp reads the newspaper. I can't make this stuff up.

0:12 "Sponsor 1" wants me to "do the tricks the sponsor likes." So I made a family newsletter and I'm already a sell-out? That's, like, bogus, man.

0:14 Apparently, tricks the sponsor likes just means "aerial tricks" which is what I was doing before, by and large. My ranking goes from "bored" to "so so" to "cool" to amped" and back down as I land/fail to land tricks. I end up "cool" at the end. "Not bad, but the sponsor had to leave." GRODY!

0:15 Nothing says snowboarding like smooth jazz. Someone must have thought this, because the guitar-heavy rock soundtrack has transitioned into some incongruous smooth jazz. What the hell?

0:16 I focus this time around and complete "the best run the sponsor has seen in months." The unforgiving landings make it easier to do simple tricks than complex spins and such. More realistic -- less fun.

0:17 "You scored a free hot dog." What? Seriously, what?

0:18 "Hey, stop wasting my film," says another smart-ass cameraman. "Hey, stop being a jerk," I yell back.

0:20 You know what looks painful? Getting stuck IN A RAIL! Seriously, my boarder just missed a jump and impaled himself upside down on a horizontal rail for a few seconds. Oh, the glitches.

0:22 I cap off a truly awful run, with a series of jump-in-place tricks at the end, which are just enough to push me over the second high-score marking. I really don't get the scoring at all. A trick that counts for 4,000 or so points in the air suddenly balloons to 12,000 once I land. Not that I'm complaining, except when I can't land it, which is quite often. I'm really liking the current female-power pop music, though. Unlocked a new mountain. "Snow Summit 1."

0:25 The camera guy just said my wipe out was "boogy." Or he might have said booty. Boogly?

0:28 Snow Summit 1 reminds me a LOT of the first mountain, in that it feels like a series of set pieces placed unceremoniously on a generic-looking snow-covered mountain. There's not much character to the courses, I guess is what I'm getting at. I'm getting really annoyed with the constant wipeouts, too.

0:31 I have to hold up on the analog stick to speed up, but if I continue to hold it when I jump I usually fall flat on my face. Hooray for confusing control design!

0:33 The jumpy frame rate is getting REALLY annoying. Makes it hard to line things up.

0:36 One run feels a whole lot like the next. I'm getting a little better at sticking some tricks, but the ones I land for a lot of points often seem incredibly lame. A slow grind into a 180 gets me 14,000 points. Wha?

0:38 This time the sponsor likes spins and flips. I do a bunch, but he still "thought you were wasting his time." Funny, I feel the same way.

0:40 "Great cover shot... not!" says a cameraman. Where am I, 1991?

0:41 For impressing my second sponsor, I get a "preferred parking pass!" Are these fake items supposed to encourage me to keep playing?

0:42 "Dude you're gellin'," says another jerky cameraman as I fall. Wait, isn't gellin' good? I'm confused.

0:43 "Try landing that next time." I was trying this time but the STUPID GAME IS WAY TOO UNFORGIVING! *huff huff*

0:45 Jerk cameraman alert: "Haha, brick!" Why did anyone think people laughing at your failure would help this game? Didn't they play Duck Hunt?

0:50 I crash into a snowman. Apparently this is a good thing, because it means I get an "explore" trophy thing. That's great. Still can't land a trick to save my life, though.

0:52 So there's this cool branch hanging over a small cliff, but every time I try to jump onto it I miss just slightly to one side or another. Is it too much to ask for the game to lock me onto the branch? You know what I'm trying to do, now just let me DO IT!

0:53 I think I've figured out one of the major problems with the controls: The jump button also doubles as a grab button, meaning I accidentally grab at the end of my flight when I'm just trying to prepare for the next jump. Smooth, guys. Real smooth.

0:54 "That was booby"? I can't understand what this guy is saying!

0:58 After failing at the current mountain for a while, I head back to the first level and rack up the points without much problem. Maybe it's the new stat points. Maybe I'm just getting better. Either way, I'm glad my hour is up.

Would I play this game for more than an hour? No.


Why? I own SSX.

This column is based on a used retail copy of the game purchased by the reviewer.



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