Developer: LucasArts

Publisher: LucasArts

Release Date: November 1995

Systems: PC, Mac

ESRB Rating: K-A

0:00 Don't know much about this game, but the LucasArts and "Steven Spielberg" names on the CD case convinced me to throw down the $1.20 asking price at the thrift shop.

0:01 The camera pans over a stormy night with soaring clouds above "The Borneo Deep Space Observatory." String-heavy music in the background. "Of course I miss you, darling," says a radar operator. "This is the loneliest place on Earth. Most exciting thing that happens here is a day when it don't rain." Suddenly, a new object appears on the radar! "What the heck is that?" Earth collision possible... odds of impact are 1 in 1!" according to the screen. "THE DIG" appears in big letters against a black background.

0:03 "The asteroid has been named Atilla after the leader of the huns," says a TV commentator over video of a rocket launch countdown. The rocket launches, and we cut to a press conference. "If the shuttle is the last hope of the human race, then it will have to do the job, won't it?" says Commander Lowe. The voice acting has a cheesy but sincere quality to it. The low-res animation does the job, but the mouths don't even come close to matching the speech.

0:04 Reporter Maggie Robbins is in charge of laying the nuclear charges that will destroy the asteroid. Also, a candidate for Congress is part of the mission. This is starting to seem a little contrived. "We wanted the best and brightest for this mission," the square-jawed Lowe explains. "My job is to keep everybody alive. I don't have to be brilliant, I just have to be careful."

0:06 The credits continue to roll as some grainy, early 90s computer graphics show the shuttle opening over the asteroid. "Lowe here, come on out kids, the water's fine," he says over the radio as he hovers out of the pod doors using a ridiculous white rocket-suit. Robbins and geologist Brink join him out in space. "Welcome to the place where geology and astronomy meet," Lowe says poignantly.

0:07 Looks like I'm in control of Lowe. Clicking around space causes him to gently maneuver to that position.

0:08 I click on Robbins and a few options appear on screen, including one to "say something profound." "Have you looked up at the Earth yet, Robbins?" I ask. "Oh, is that big blue thing the Earth?" she says in a voice dripping with sarcasm. This gets a grin out of me.

0:09 Continuing the conversation, Lowe can't seem to get over the fact that Robbins is a journalist. She insists she's not working on her article at the moment, but is acting as an experienced member of the team. "I just want you to be happy, Robbins. So you'll write nice things about us." Ugh. "Can't you forget for even one second that I'm a reporter?" Well, you are one.

0:12 Moving on to talking with the Austrian-accented Dr. Brink. "No one has ever been this close to an asteroid, commander." Historic! "As you Americans might say, Commander, we will kick Atilla's butt!" Er, less historic.

0:14 Seems we've finally exhausted our talking points, so it's time to head over to the asteroid. "The forecast calls for clear skies, no wind, no rain, no air," says Robbins. I think I'm falling in love.

0:15 I pick Quadrant 1 of the asteroid at random and we jet-pack on over. Not much to do but talk to my co-astronauts again. Seems they're in the mood to repeat what they already said by the shuttle.

0:18 Stumbled upon the item menu, which has only a few items in it. I pick up the "arming key" and try using it on another item at random. "I make it a habit not to arm my personal computer." The thought that someone had to write and record that line over a decade ago blows my mind.

0:21 Also in my inventory is a "PenUltimate" palmtop computer, which has a 2-D, Lunar Lander-type game on it. Great, except the emulated version of the game I'm playing (more on that at the bottom) doesn't seem to let me steer the craft.

0:22 I can talk to Borden back on the shuttle using the comm software on the PenUltimate. Atilla is less massive than we expected, he says. "How do we know what's inside an asteroid?" he asks. Um, sonar? Mass spectography?

0:24 "My opponent is demanding equal time in space," says Congressional candidate Miles. "With or without the suit?" quips Lowe. Miles tells me to "come on back and get the PIG." Maybe that will move things along.

0:28 The still background comes to life as the robot arm lifts the PIG tool box out of the shuttle. The animation is pretty impressive -- definitely retro, but definitely not dated.

0:30 Back on the asteroid surface with the PIG. Inside is a shovel, a "Zero-G digger," and two explosive units. I try placing the explosives on the asteroid, but apparently it's not that simple. Hmm.

0:31 I add all the PIG stuff to my inventory and leave the box behind. Brink tells me to "please put [the bomb] in the right location," but fails to tell me what that location is. Robbins tells me it's a "nuclear explosive that will save the world. How ironic." OK, I am officially in love.

0:33 Maybe Quadrant 2 is where I'm supposed to put the explosive? I wave the pointer around until I come across as "target surface." "The ground's too rough," says Lowe, but the Zero-G digger smoothes it out. Brink comes over to help with the placement. One more to go.

0:36 I can't find much to do in Quadrant 3 except talk with my co-astronauts. Lowe and Robbins get into a pretty entertaining back and forth about nuclear weapons and journalism. Robbins thinks Lowe doesn't like her because of all the teasing about her profession. The writing is pretty good, even though the voice acting could be a little better.

0:38 I can't seem to find a placement site in Quadrant 4 either. Am I missing something?

0:39 I search around in Quadrant 1 again, but can find no area to dig. I hate these guess-and-click portions of adventure games. Just tell me what to do, damnit!

0:40 Visiting Quadrant 2 again briefly, I remember that I should probably arm the explosive I already placed. Yeah, that might be important.

0:42 After more guess-and-clicking, I find a "boulder" hidden on the surface of Quadrant 3. "There's a big rock right where I need to plant the nuke," Lowe says. Bin-go!

0:43 There's a lot of chatter before Lowe pries the boulder loose with the shovel. After all that, the actual dislodging is pretty anticlimactic. "My rule is, if you can pick it up, take it with you, because you never know when you might need it," says Miles. Good advice for adventure games as well as life!

0:45 "Stick a fork in us, we're done," says Lowe. "Who writes your material, Commander?" asks Robbins. "I get it all out of the newspaper, Robbins." Me-OW!

0:46 Back to the shuttle, I tell Borden to set off the nukes. Cut to a wide shot of the asteroid and shuttle above earth. The music swells as the shuttle backs away from the rock in all its grainy glory. "Do it!" The explosion seems underwhelming, but it was strong enough to open up the surface of the rock. "Let's see what Atilla looks like after plastic surgery," Lowe says.

0:48 Down on the newly craggy surface, Brink wants us to go down into a tunnel. He says the tunnel was not created by the nuke. It is "very ancient ... old, but not as old as the asteroid." He doesn't know what this means. I do. ALIENS!

0:50 There's a stone projection and a metallic plate on the wall of the tunnel. The trio prattle on about how this is obviously "not natural." "But who could have put something like this in a tunnel"?" Lowe asks. I'll say it again. ALIENS!

0:52 Robbins wants to tell Houston immediately about this amazing, alien-implying discovery, but Lowe stops her. He says he's has secret orders to look for an alien presence from the beginning. Lowe sends a secret code back to NASA to tell them of the find. Brink falls in line enthusiastically, but Robbins sounds a little less sure of herself in agreeing.

0:53 Lowe pushes on the metallic plate, causing it to drop down into the tunnel. Seems like an odd move, to me.

0:56 More chatter with the crew. Brink is worried about Robbins now that the "mission parameters have changed." Robbins is a bit bitter that military secrecy might stop scientists from studying this important find. The characterization is kind of flat, but compared to most videogames, it's Shakespeare.

0:59 I've run out of things to say to my crew mates, and I can't seem to figure out what to do. There's a small dark opening where the plate used to be, but I can't seem to do anything with it. More guessing and checking in the next hour, I guess.

Would I play this game for more than an hour? Yes.


Why? The pace is sluggish and the "gameplay" so far is simplistic and uninteresting, but the clever characters and writing have me intrigued.

This column is based on a cheap, used retail copy that I picked up from a thrift store, which then wouldn't run on my thoroughly modern computer. I ended up using a copy of ScummVM on my hacked Wii to play my legal purchase. Honest!

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