Games for Lunch: Zoids Assault

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0:14 Before she continues, Van Clift feels she has to tell about what happened on Dec. 11, 974 (a day which will live in infamy?). Cut to a briefing screen. Maybe we'll actually see some action?

0:15 We're going after four unidentified Zoids. We have EMP weapons. And apparently that's all the information we're getting.

0:16 My five units resemble various animals, including a Bison, two Wolves and two that are Ligers. Wait, Ligers? Like a Lion mixed with a tiger. Has someone been watching too much Napoleon Dynamite?

0:18 I place my units and get the mission objective. "Defeat all enemies." Simple enough. We're in a forest clearing. On my turn, a grid overlay shows where I can move my units. On my opponent's turn, the enemy units decide to stand still and wait for my advance. All right then... The low, 3-D camera makes it hard to get a feel for the entire battlefield at once. Form over function here, it seems.

0:23 Since the enemies aren't moving, it takes a ridiculously long time for my units to work their way across the field to their position. On my first attack, the camera zooms in to a low, close angle, showing the attacks and counter-attack from up close. The camerawork is nice, and the controller rumbling and dramatic music help the decent animation. Still, it all feels a little clinical.

0:26 Each attack by either me or the enemy seems to set off a nigh-unfollowable chain of further attacks and counter-attacks by my allies and enemies. The constantly panning camera and the extremely similar-looking Zoids don't help matters. What's going on here?!

0:29 That super-special EMP attack is just a ranged attack that can hit a few units at once, it seems. The Zoid on which I had been focusing my attacks goes up in an anti-climactic ball of smoke.

0:32 I take out a second Zoid just as two enemy reinforcements appear behind my flank. "Stay calm and eliminate them before they surround us." That shouldn't be a problem, as they've barely dented my guys so far.

0:34 The third Zoid goes down. It seems that every time I attack, I get two or three bonus attacks from allied Zoids that happen to be nearby. It's nice, but I can't help but wonder why it happens...

0:37 I seem to do much more damage in counter-attacks than I do in regular attacks. That is, when I'm able to counter-attack... sometimes it's just not an option. This game is doing a horrible job of clearly explaining what's going on.

0:40 I lose my first unit after a bunch of enemy Zoids gang up on me for a barrage of attacks. Oh well, there's four more where that came from, and the enemy forces are looking pretty weak at this point.

0:42 More back-and-forth attacking. I have no real strategy or plan other than "attack the weak one." Seems to be working just fine.

0:43 I'm still impressed by the camera and animation work during the attacks, but after the 50th time seeing the exact same animation from a different angle, it begins to lose its impact.

0:44 "Maces, we've confirmed elimination of the hostile Zoids." Hallelujah! All my units level up and learn a new skill. I got some new weapons and a "data disc" too.