Developer: Traveller's Tales

Publisher: LucasArts

Release Date: June 3, 2008
Systems: Nintendo DS (reviewed), every other system ever made.

ESRB Rating: E10+

Official Web site

0:00 I played the Wii version for a few hours at an absolutely wild July 4th party, so I think I know what to expect from this DS version.

0:01 "Indiana, f***ing Jones... Indianaaaaaa, mother-f***ing Jones!" Come on everyone, sing along with the title screen.

0:02 So I'm in control of Lego Indy in a three-piece suit, running around what looks like a university and being trailed by another suited guy with an umbrella. The only open door is "Raiders of the Lost Ark." At my college, the rooms had names like "101."

0:04 Seems I can also wander outside, whipping benches and such for little bits of LEGO gold and silver. Even the LEGO shrubs shatter to reveal coinage. One annoyance already: I can't seem to whip in midair.

0:05 With a tap and hold of the A button, the rubble from some destroyed lion statues can be rebuilt into... another statue! I get money for both the destruction and the rebuilding. What a racket!

0:06 "The Lost Temple" is the first level. A cut scene shows some grainy LEGO jungle natives shooting some grainy poison darts at a grainy LEGO Indy. A grainy sidekick falls off a grainy cliff. Did I mention the video is kind of grainy?

0:09 There's a nice line of LEGO coins showing the way down the jungle path. Plenty of shrubs and such to destroy for coins along the way, though it still seems a bit empty.

0:11 So I have to switch to controlling my sidekick character to dig up some treasure. The switching is easy enough, but shoveling means using my thumb to slide a shovel up from the touch-screen up to the top screen. I can't seem to do it without busting out the stylus. Unnecessary use of the touch-screen is the first cardinal sin of DS game design.

0:13 I can't seem to hurt my teammate directly, but I can push him over the edge of a cliff. He screams as he falls. Heh.

0:14 I need to use more unnecessary touch-screen controls to rotate a switch to raise a bridge. Grrr.

0:17 After solving a bunch of generic puzzles, it's the first enemy... a red LEGO jungle-dweller. My whip can disarm him, but not hurt him. I guess they don't want kids whipping each other in imitation? But punching is A-OK? OK, my theory needs work.



0:21 Barely one-third of an hour in and the gameplay is already getting extremely repetitive. The process tends to go something like this: Indy uses his whip to get somewhere; Indy builds something for his cohort to get the same somewhere. Repeat. The low-res graphics and relatively empty environs (especially compared to the console versions) aren't helping things. Luckily, destroying stuff for coins is as fun as ever.

0:23 Native fight update: Two at once! My cohort seems reluctant to help this time. Stupid AI.

0:24 "Blow out small torches by standing next to them and blowing into the microphone." ARGH! This is cardinal sin No. 2 for DS game design. I'll let it slide, though, because I just found a trophy. I like games that give me trophies...

0:27 Using the microphone to blow up a raft is just as fun as blowing up a raft in real life. Which is to say: no fun.

0:28 Question: Why are blue coins worth more than gold or silver? What are they supposed to be? Platinum? Amethyst?

0:29 "Only characters that have pet monkeys can use red LEGO pads." Say what you will about this game, but it's probably the only one to include that exact instruction.

0:30 It's a bit disturbing seeing LEGO Indy bring the double-fisted beat-down on a prostrate, helpless enemy. It's just a bit too brutal for a LEGO character, I think.

0:31 OK, so I just dug up a treasure chest that had LEGO pieces which I used to build a pad that Indy can whip from. So Indy couldn't use his whip from this position until he built himself a little pad? This makes no sense. Then again, asking for sense from a game built entirely out of LEGO might be asking a bit much.

0:37 It's not that I expect the puzzles to be difficult at this stage, but so far they've been ridiculously trivial. The solution is so obvious as to make everything seem like a waste of time. That and there aren't enough enemies yet to break up the dull puzzle action.

0:38 I just finished a neat little platforming section that involves jumping on green tiles and avoiding spike-launching red ones. MOAR PLEAZ!

0:39 The game's constant on-screen reminders to blow every time I get near a torch removes any need to recognize or remember this basic gameplay fact.

0:40 An obvious timing puzzle with moving stone pillars has potential, but I blaze through it just running full speed. Jumping across the tops of those same pillars, though, is somewhat more exciting.

0:42 "Stand on the fan and blow in the microphone to blow your character into the air." All right, now they're just trying to piss me off, right?

0:44 Level complete, I watch a grainy, LEGO version of the iconic scene where Indy takes the idol head and sets off a rolling boulder. I have to run from the boulder by running into the screen and following a helpful line of coins. Pretty simple...

0:45 Another grainy cut scene includes Indy with a rubber duckie. Cute! The game counts up my "stud total." I don't mean to toot my own horn, but it's pretty high. Yeah, I have a big stud total...

0:46 Yet another cut scene. The school girls all love Professor Indy, but he's called away to find a missing artifact. These dialogue-free cut scenes would be pretty impossible to follow if I hadn't seen the movie.

0:49 New level starts with an awesome fight in a burning bar! Four enemies at a time this time! I die, but there's absolutely no consequence since I have no money, yet.

0:50 This minute spent destroying everything that isn't bolted down in the bar to get those precious, precious studs.

0:51 This minute spent trying to figure out how to get out of the now-empty bar. Is there a secret exit or something?

0:52 Oh, I had to walk into a wall hidden behind a pillar. Silly me.

0:53 Shades of Donkey Kong as some henchmen throw barrels down the stairs at us.

0:54 A guy in a black hat is shooting at us from some platforms across the room. Luckily, my bottle-throwing sweetheart can cause explosions under his feet by throwing bottles at him. Incredibly easy, especially for a boss fight. Yet another cut scene.

0:55 I love the pew-pew sound effects caused by my new gun. Oh, and the ability to hit enemies from across the screen is nice, too.

0:56 Building three snowmen makes an artifact appear on top of a roof. Who knew archeology was so simple?

0:59 I can't seem to reach the roof to get my artifact. What I wouldn't give for a pet monkey right now...

Would I play this game for more than an hour? Probably not.

Why? It seems much too empty and lifeless compared to its console counterparts. If I was stuck on a plane, I might tinker with it a bit...

This review is based on a retail copy of the game rented from GameFly.

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