Games for Lunch: LEGO Indiana Jones: The Original Adventures

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0:27 Using the microphone to blow up a raft is just as fun as blowing up a raft in real life. Which is to say: no fun.

0:28 Question: Why are blue coins worth more than gold or silver? What are they supposed to be? Platinum? Amethyst?

0:29 "Only characters that have pet monkeys can use red LEGO pads." Say what you will about this game, but it's probably the only one to include that exact instruction.

0:30 It's a bit disturbing seeing LEGO Indy bring the double-fisted beat-down on a prostrate, helpless enemy. It's just a bit too brutal for a LEGO character, I think.

0:31 OK, so I just dug up a treasure chest that had LEGO pieces which I used to build a pad that Indy can whip from. So Indy couldn't use his whip from this position until he built himself a little pad? This makes no sense. Then again, asking for sense from a game built entirely out of LEGO might be asking a bit much.

0:37 It's not that I expect the puzzles to be difficult at this stage, but so far they've been ridiculously trivial. The solution is so obvious as to make everything seem like a waste of time. That and there aren't enough enemies yet to break up the dull puzzle action.

0:38 I just finished a neat little platforming section that involves jumping on green tiles and avoiding spike-launching red ones. MOAR PLEAZ!

0:39 The game's constant on-screen reminders to blow every time I get near a torch removes any need to recognize or remember this basic gameplay fact.

0:40 An obvious timing puzzle with moving stone pillars has potential, but I blaze through it just running full speed. Jumping across the tops of those same pillars, though, is somewhat more exciting.

0:42 "Stand on the fan and blow in the microphone to blow your character into the air." All right, now they're just trying to piss me off, right?

0:44 Level complete, I watch a grainy, LEGO version of the iconic scene where Indy takes the idol head and sets off a rolling boulder. I have to run from the boulder by running into the screen and following a helpful line of coins. Pretty simple...

0:45 Another grainy cut scene includes Indy with a rubber duckie. Cute! The game counts up my "stud total." I don't mean to toot my own horn, but it's pretty high. Yeah, I have a big stud total...

0:46 Yet another cut scene. The school girls all love Professor Indy, but he's called away to find a missing artifact. These dialogue-free cut scenes would be pretty impossible to follow if I hadn't seen the movie.

0:49 New level starts with an awesome fight in a burning bar! Four enemies at a time this time! I die, but there's absolutely no consequence since I have no money, yet.

0:50 This minute spent destroying everything that isn't bolted down in the bar to get those precious, precious studs.

0:51 This minute spent trying to figure out how to get out of the now-empty bar. Is there a secret exit or something?

0:52 Oh, I had to walk into a wall hidden behind a pillar. Silly me.