Developer: Valcon

Publisher: Milestone

Release Date: March 21, 2008

Systems: PSP (reviewed), PS2

ESRB Rating: E10+

Official Web site

0:00 I tend to like bike racing games, and this one sounds positively Super. Eh? Eh?

0:01 "Bikes included in this game may be different from real bikes in performance, shape and color," reads a quick disclaimer. So is there any way in which they're realistic?

0:02 Some grainy video of what looks like a real bike races play through an odd filter. Inappropriate opera music swells in the background. The only exciting part is when the bikers fly off the bikes during the crashes. Otherwise, it's kind of dull to watch.

0:03 Most of this minute spent loading the menu screen. At least there are a couple of pictures of pretty girls to keep me occupied.

0:04 The menu screen features more gratuitous hot girls, along with more decidedly low-res video of bike racers. Points for the effort, though.

0:05 The options screen lets me toggle a wide variety of simulation options, including "launch control system," "manual rider weight" and "motorbike damage." Luckily, I can just pick the "arcade" setting and not worry about poring over the options.

0:06 I can jump into a Quick Race, but I choose Championship because it's part of the game's title. I can choose between a few different bikes, each with their own horsepower and weight stats. Or I can ignore that and just choose based on the simple ten-point scale, which I guess just measures the general awesomeness of the bike. Why no stats for things like handling, brakes, etc., I wonder?

0:08 I settle on the perfect-10-rated Alstare Suzuki, and then get to choose from a grand total of one rider: Yukio Kagayama. One more, Max Biaggi, is apparently unlockable. It seems the available riders are each wedded to a specific bike. This might be realistic (for all I know) but it comes off as cheesy to a newcomer like me.

0:09 The number of laps is set at "15 %" by default. To me, that suggests that a full race would be so mind-numbingly boring that the designers felt the need to tone it down. Not a good sign.

0:10 A video vignette introduces the Doha, Qatar speedway. The grainy stock footage shots aren't really getting me pumped up here.

0:11 Good lord! Here's the full list of the races available during the "race weekend:" Free Practice 1; Qualifying Practice 1; Qualifying Practice 2; Free Practice 2; Superpole; Warm Up; Race 1; and Race 2. Sheesh! Who has time to do all that stuff? I'm a busy guy here! Luckily, I can skip most of the prelims and jump straight to "Race 1."

0:12 This entire minute spent looking at more girls on a loading screen.

0:13 Even MORE settings! I can adjust the tire types, the suspension, the handlebars, the gears, and more. Points for the nod to realism, but I really couldn't care less about bike tuning.

0:14 We're racing. The graphics are decent enough -- for a first-generation game on the original PlayStation! Oh yeah, I went there.

0:15 After jumping ahead of the pack in the first straightaway, I have to jam on the brakes to make a long, super-slow turn. Repeat this process for turns two and three. I don't brake hard enough on turn four and spin out on the grass. Note to self: motorbike + grass = bad combination.

0:17 Ouch. I bump into another bike's rear wheel with my front wheel and we both go flying. I feel kind of bad for the guy I hit. Sorry! It's my first time!

0:18 Another end-over-end crash. The shot of the empty bike bouncing down the asphalt is almost hypnotic.

0:20 The persistent whine of the engines is really getting on my nerves. It's made worse by the total lack of background music during the races. Is that not realistic enough or something?

0:22 After two more crashes and two more spin outs in lap three, I finish fifth. I'm already getting tired of the repetitive cycle of speeding down the straightaway, slamming on the brakes and drifting slowly through the wide turns. I know this could describe many other racing games too, but it's particularly galling here for some reason. I could call it an "extremely technical racer" if I was feeling generous, but I'm not. It's just dull.

0:24 I have to suffer through another 30 seconds of loading just to get back to the menu so I can auto-save, then 30 MORE seconds of loading to go back to race on the same course. What a waste of time.

0:27 Done with lap one of Race 2. Now that I know the course and know what I'm doing a little better, I've jumped to a nearly eight-second lead.

0:30 Even with a couple of spectacular wipe outs on the sandy edge in Lap 2, I still hold on to a slim lead. Either I'm preternaturally good, the game is tuned way too easy, or this 10/10 bike is way too good.

0:33 Lap 3 finishes without incident and without any interruption of the gas-brake-turn pattern. I win by a good 10 seconds in the end. If that was 15 percent of the laps, I'd hate to see what a full, 20-lap race feels like. I think I'd gnaw my own arm off just to get away from that.

0:35 I get to "Choose your prize" from five face-down cards. I unlock some "race videos" and "staff ghosts." Whoopee!

0:36 Race weekend number one is over and I'm second in the standings with 36 points. Australia and Spain are up next. Let's power through, I guess.

0:40 After one lap, I must say I'm liking the Aussie course much more than the one from Qatar. For one thing, this one actually has some gentle turns that merely require letting go of the throttle, rather than slamming down on the brakes. The tighter turns and shorter straightaways seem to mix up the pattern, too.

0:41 Wow. So I'm in 14th place, the back on the pack, and I accidentally slam into the 13th-place guy. Our careening bikes fly DIRECTLY INTO the guy in 12th place, taking him out, too. When the smoke has cleared, I'm in 12th place. So that was a good strategy, then?

0:43 My bike is getting all wobbly on the tight turns. Did I choose the wrong tires? What's more, do I care enough to find out? The answer to the first question is probably yes, and the answer to the second is definitely no.

0:46 A middling third lap leaves me in a dismal 12th place. So let's throw out the "preternaturally good" explanation from 0:30.

0:47 This minute spent on yet another between-races load-save-load cycle. SO ANNOYING!

0:50 A couple of wipeouts leave me in 11th place on the first lap.

0:52 Still in 11th after Lap 2. I just can't seem to get the hang of the hard braking and turning needed for this narrower course.

0:54 With some extreme focus and concentration, I work my way up to eighth place by the end of the race. Bleh.

0:57 Despite my awful Aussie results, I've only fallen to fourth in the standings. Wow --everyone else sucks even more than me! There's not really enough time to go through all the loading and rigamarole for a new race, so I'll stop right here.

Would I play this game for more than an hour? No.

Why? While it's technically sound enough, I can't help but feel it's too realistic for its own good. The whole thing feels sterile and just doesn't capture the excitement of other racing games. Good for bike gearheads only.

This column was based on a retail copy of the game rented from GameFly.

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