Games for Lunch: NBA Ballers: Chosen One
In a nutshell: Choose a different game.
6/25/2008 6:03 PM | 0 Comments | Page 1 of 3
Developer: Midway
Publisher: Midway
Release Date: April 21, 2008
Systems: PS3 (reviewed), Xbox 360
ESRB Rating:E
Official Web site
0:00 I know next to nothing about this game, but I loved
NBA Jam and
NFL Blitz, so if it's anything like them, I should love it.
0:01 You know what I hate? Games that have loading screens that just load animated logos. This game included.
0:02 Some guys in suits are walking through a lobby. Helicopters are flying in from the other side. A guy in a Hawks jersey puts in the key for the penthouse and goes up the elevator. On the other side, another player gets out of the helicopter. Some screaming fans are in the penthouse, for some reason. The players point at each other and play a pickup game IN THE SUITE! Now that's a good way to lose your deposit.
0:03 The game gets bonus points already for being a PlayStation 3 title that needs no installation or downloadable update. It loses those points, though, for the extremely generic, SNES-era MIDI music in the background.
0:05 I can't go into the Story Mode until I create a Custom Baller. This smacks of laziness to me. The designers couldn't just make a few default players for me to jump in with?
0:06 I name my guy Basket Baller (B. Baller, for short). He was born in 1908, but doesn't look a day over 98. Seriously, why do they let me choose a birthday if the guy's gonna look 23 no matter what?
0:08 The only difference between the 15 "face" options is the level of melanin in their skin. Seriously. Why not call it the "color" option or something else more accurate? I can choose from seven types of beard though, so hey, the game has that going for it!
0:10 I can edit everything on Mr. Baller from the nose length to the chin height, but the changes are barely noticeable on the extremely generic character model. Am I even doing anything here?
0:11 Wow, the "overweight" character model has a pot belly, back fat and ripped, muscular biceps and neck muscles. It looks absolutely ridiculous -- which is why I end up choosing it.
0:12 I have 480 "stat points" to put into 16 different b-ball skills. I take away all my skill at free-throw shooting and put it into power, speed and three-point shooting. Wait, this game has free throws? That means it has fouls. What kind of an
NBA Jam clone is this?
0:13 "Oooh man, here it comes. He said no. Haha! Does he have it? Yes!" These quotes play over some generic b-ball highlights. The camera pans over a live-action TV set. "Hello, and welcome to another exciting season of
NBA Ballers Chosen One. I'm Chuck D." He sounds like he's reading from a script. Probably because he is. Chuck lays out the premise for the game: top rookies taking part in the quest for the "Chosen One" trophy between NBA seasons.
0:14 More backstory! In lengthy text form! I'm taking part in a TV show that highlights basketball skills outside the regular 5-on-5. "You're a street ball phenom, a wild card, a man with no name; at least not yet, anyway." I have a name, it's Basket Baller. I set it up back at 0:06, remember?
