Games for Lunch: NBA Ballers: Chosen One
In a nutshell: Choose a different game.
6/25/2008 6:03 PM | 0 Comments | Page 2 of 3
0:16 "Without further delay let's jump right into the action with an episode we call Smooth," says Chuck. It takes place in Chicago's lakefront. Chapter 1 is called Fun Da'Mentals. Groan. The cheesy MIDI music is growing on me.
0:17 During the loading screen, I get this near-incomprehensible tip: "Remember: A Level 3 shut-'em-down dunk can be countered, but only by a Level 2 super-block." Wha?
0:19 We're playing half-court ball, one-on-one. First to 11 points wins. The animation is pretty clunky and the camera angle is absolutely AWFUL. It's way too low and I can't see the hoop most of the time. Bleh.
0:20 I forget to take the ball back after a rebound and end up scoring for my opponent. Whoops.
0:21 My opponent does some sort of ridiculous combo off my head or something. Some buttons appear on screen. I guess I can counter by hitting these, but I'm not fast enough. He gets four points for the simple shot that comes after this ridiculous combo. I'm still figuring out the controls here. Give me a break!
0:22 During the replays after the baskets, my player flickers between fat and thin. Really. It looks incredibly ridiculous.
0:23 My opponent, R. Lewis, wins the match, but only because I can't seem to buy a basket. I was like 2 for 20 in shots, and most of them were good, open shots too! The rim is super-bouncy or something.
0:26 Game number two, and I still can't get anything to fall. Even layups and dunks are bouncing out. What am I missing here?
0:27 I lose 12 to 6. Besides missing the baskets, I can't' seem to get the super-moves that the opponent does routinely. Sigh.
0:28 So on offense, square shoots the ball, but on defense it's used to steal. Shouldn't it be used to jump and block? Nope, that's triangle, the alley-oop button. This has been standard since the '90s, guys.
0:29 Clicking the left stick while on offense brings up a horizontal yellow meter with the square button in the middle. I have no idea what to do with this meter. I jam on the button to push it all the way to the right, but it doesn't seem to do anything. Weird.
0:30 I've found my scoring strategy! Just push triangle to set up a self alley-oop and BOOM! It goes in like every time! I'm up to an 8-4 lead!
0:31 After missing a bunch of three-pointers, I'm down 10-8 again. I should have stuck with the reliable alley-oops.
0:32 The game ends with a 10-10 tie, so we start over a new three-minute match. UGH!
0:33 Announcer quote of the moment: "Now with some dunk-a-licious goodness."
0:34 I just noticed that the sound effect for the shot clock countdown sounds exactly like the beeping from the TV show "24." I mean EXACTLY.
0:35 More announcer quote goodness: "My man, you're going to have to change the rules if you want to goal-tend." Yeah! Goal-tending! Now that's street!
0:36 I finally win by totally exploiting the unstoppable alley-oop. Up next is L. Hughes. On the same court. With the same rules. Wow, exciting!
0:37 At 2-2, the announcer calls out, "Now, it's anyone's game." I'd think so, since we're playing to 11.
