Games for Lunch: Haze

In a nutshell: In the future, all soldiers are drug-addicted jerks.

by Kyle Orland, 6/18/2008 6:20 PM

(Page 2 of 3)

0:28 My comrades seem perpetually drunk or high or something. "A toast! To freeing some hearts and minds!" Am I supposed to like these guys? Because they're dicks. The voice acting is decent, but the lines don't really resonate emotionally.

0:29 Finally, we're landing and taking out some enemies. Some nice smoke effects, and a grenade sends a guy flying.

0:30 A text tutorial about Nectar pops up and stops the action. "Nectar is a revolutionary bio-enhancing medication... that will help you fight smarter, faster and stronger than the enemies." If I had to guess, I'd bet this is what's turning all the soldiers into dicks. At least I hope it is, because otherwise they're just unredeemable assholes.

0:32 The Nectar makes the enemies show up in bright white against the dark jungle backdrop. "I love this shit," A random soldier calls. I have to agree.

0:34 A guy on my headset tells me about a valley "full of bad guys" up ahead, just as I stumble on to an enemy hiding behind a tree. He fills me with a full clip while my gun jams or something. Dead already? Man, I suck at FPS games.

0:35 The guy on the radio tells me to "hunker down" and wait for an airborne "burn" of the guys in the valley, but it never seems to come. I press on, warily, and eventually activate the bombing run cut scene. Well that was unclear. "Pleasure doing business with you boys. Godspeed!"

0:37 "Hey, Carpenter, how you enjoying your Nectar"?" "It's great, I feel like a million dollars." They're really being pretty heavy-handed about this Nectar stuff.

0:40 The valley is a mess of charred wreckage. The crew makes jokes about the guys shitting their pants as they got hit. God, I hate my teammates.

0:42 Another firefight at the cash site. The Nectar makes it almost too easy to take the guys out. Don't get me wrong, I can take all the help I can get, but tapping L2 and aiming at the white spots seems a little unfair. And since the Nectar constantly refills, there's seemingly no reason not to use it constantly.

0:43 "Yo, if you've got a problem, I'm gonna solve it," says one of my teammates during the firefight. If that Vanilla Ice reference was intentional, then well done.

0:46 The attackers stole the Nectar that was on the plane. The pilot is still alive, but just barely. "Look at me. Can you see me?" he wheezes. "Do you know what I used to do before I joined up? I was a boxer. Semi-pro." These are destined to be his last words. If that was meant to be poignant and moving, it failed miserably.

0:47 Quote of the moment: "Dude, we knocked these asses down like Skittles!" Taste the rainbow, bitches!

0:48 Just when we thought the valley was clear, more hostiles fly on in. Oh, goody.

0:49 "A little Nectar for me means a lot of ass-kicking for you." ALL RIGHT, WE GET IT, NECTAR IS AWESOME -- SHEESH TONE IT DOWN!

0:50 The hostiles rush at our position in groups of three, not even bothering to take cover or protect themselves in any way. They're depressingly easy to mow down with the fixed gun. The Metal Gear Solid-style spy music swells, for some reason.

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Filed Under: Haze, Ubisoft, nectar, playstation 3, Free Radical
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