Developer: EA Canada

Publisher: EA Sports

Release Date: May 20, 2008

Systems: PS3 (reviewed), PS2, PSP, Xbox 360, PC

ESRB Rating: E

Official Web site

0:00 I've actually never played a soccer video game before unless you count Super Mario Strikers -- and you really shouldn't, as that game has fireballs and turtle shells and stuff. I did play some little league soccer in my youth, though, so I know how the game works. You try and put the ball in the net, right?

0:01 This minute spent downloading a seemingly mandatory 68 MB version 1.02 update for the game.

0:10 The past 10 minutes spent the same way as minute 0:01.

0:11 The UEFA logo comes flying in with some peppy music over snowy peaks and a fast-moving, cloudy sky. "Hello I'm Clyde Tillsy(?) and it's my pleasure to introduce you to EA Sports' UEFA Euro 2008." He explains that you can earn points when you win games (more points for games you aren't expected to win), and these points are used online to represent your nation in an online leaderboard. Hooray for nationalism! "Good luck, and perhaps you can be the champion gamer, or part of the champion nation of gamers, in UEFA Euro 2008."

0:14 So I have to pick the nation that I'll represent in the online leaderboards. Interestingly, I can play as any country I want, but this pick for who I "represent" is irrevocable after I make it. Not being from Europe myself, I pick Liechtenstein, with its half-star rating and population of 35,000 people, mainly because I feel bad for it. Also, it's fun to say. Lick-ten-shtine!

0:16 Playing around in the options, I see the game has a "position indicator" to tell me where my player should be to help the team, and a "threat indicator" showing which opposing players I need to cover. Nice!

0:18 Learning the controls in the options screen. I can pull off a fake shot by pressing O, then X plus the left stick. Oh, yeah, I'm gonna be pulling those off a lot.

0:19 For a game that's just about kicking the ball, there's an amazing variety of different types of passes, kicks and such. I'm sure I'll forget how to do the vast majority immediately after I start. Oh, well, I guess I'll learn as I go.

0:20 I choose Amateur difficulty, and jump into the "Story of Qualifying" mode. This is my "chance to relive the highs and lows of the qualifying round of UEFA Euro 2008." As If I lived them the first time.

0:21 My first task is to hold on to a 2-0 lead Romania had over Bulgaria with 10 minutes left. I hope I can manage that. In real life, Bulgaria came back to tie!

0:22 Whoops -- it seems I have to actually play as Bulgaria! OK, this is gonna be a mess, but let's go.

0:24 Initial impressions -- everyone looks really tiny, but amazingly realistic. The animations on the players are fantastic from this far out -- they really look like they're playing the ball rather than just running around and having the ball attached to them. Everyone moves so smoothly, it's like watching a real match. Makes me wish I had an HDTV. The graphics look quite a bit worse when they zoom in on the players after a missed shot, though -- the frame rate gets all jumpy and the players look all lumpy. Ugh.

0:25 So far it's pretty intuitive just moving the players around and using X to do short passes between them. My computer allies seem smart about positioning. I like how the game automatically switches the defensive character I control. I put a few shots on goal, including one good one, but they're both easily deflected back. The British accents on commentators are darling, even if I have some trouble understanding them.

0:27 That's the end, without a goal scored on either side. My players look so sad about the loss.

0:28 Enough of this scenario crap, let's play a full game. I need all the help I can get, so I choose five-star France against half-star ranked Andorra. Poor Andorra.

0:30 I wish I knew enough about soccer positions and players to assign these guys intelligently. Wait, no I don't. Anyway, the game starts with a roaring crowd and falling confetti. The commentators go on about how not every team expects to win, but they can all at least get some points in these early rounds. Is that a dig at Andorra?

0:32 I get called for a foul when I slide tackle an Andorran from behind. That's funny -- in Mario Strikers I was encouraged to knock people down for no reason.

0:35 I'm having a hard time getting anything going on offense. A wall of Andorran players seems to be hanging back to halt my advance. They have, like, nine guys on defense! Who does that? Luckily for me, they're especially easy to steal from when they're on offense.

0:37 I'm really liking the interface. The game shows where high balls are going to go with a dot on the field, and passes and shots have an easy-to-read power meter. What's not to like?

0:39 Still having a hard time getting anything going on offense, and now my defense is breaking down a bit. I keep getting beat to the ball. Maybe I should slide tackle less.

0:40 Into halftime. "It's a fascinating contest so far." Really? Really? What's so fascinating about this 0-0 game with barely any good shots?

0:43 The Andorrans are playing around in the corner, toying with me. I knock a guy down with a slide tackle just to stop the dancing. The Andorrans make a substitution. "No injury, this is a technical change, an attempt to win the game!" Really? An attempt to win the game? Who'd have thunk it!

0:44 Argh! I finally get a nice centering pass on offense, but it's called offside thanks to some bad timing on the run in by my computer teammate.

0:47 I take a cue from the computer and replace a weakening wing with a fresh one. I don't notice any immediate affect from this.

0:49 It's frustrating to see one of my defenders get beat just because he's slower than the guy he's covering. Bleh.

0:51 My first real good attack. I finally get a series of passes going back and forth, and pull off a point-blank shot that the goalie has to dive for. I suppose that's only fai -- my goalie has saved much stronger shots on the other end.

0:52 The game ends anticlimactically in a 0-0 tie. I was starting to get the hang of it at the end there. I get to choose whether I want extra time or a penalty shoot out. I'm pretty sure in the actual tournament that's chosen ahead of time, right?

0:53 I have no idea what the controls are for these shots. My first shot goes sailing high, then my goalkeeper watches Andorra's go right into the corner.

0:55 Two more shots go wide right and wide left, despite my extremely gentle tilting of the control stick for the aiming. I've figured out how to make the goalie dive for the saves, but I guess the wrong direction twice and it's all over. Lowly Andorra has beaten mighty France! My goalkeeper is the man of the match, unsurprisingly, as he saved my bacon many a time.

0:56 I decide to finish out the hour with some more penalty shoot-out practice. This time I put France against lowly Faroe Islands.

0:58 After two more overpowered high misses, I finally get one in by using the "finesse shot." Holding down R1 was the key, apparently.

0:59 Then I get a save by guessing the right direction and reacting quickly enough! Faroe's final shot goes wide. We're tied at 3-3!

1:00 Faroe sends another shot wide! I... I win! "It had to happen, someone had to miss, and that's the miss that decides the shoot-out," says the announcer. Darn right, and it wasn't me!

Would I play this game for more than an hour? No.

Why? While it's technically proficient and pretty fun, I'm not nearly good enough or interested enough in soccer to devote the time necessary to get a lot out of it. I might whip it out when my soccer-loving friends are over, though.

This column was based on a retail copy of the game provided by the publisher.

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