Games for Lunch: Wii Fit

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0:16 I can look at the trainer from in front or behind. It feels a little voyeuristic.

0:17 "Try to stay still while you continue breathing." Apparently I'm great at this -- I get 92 points (out of 100) and four stars (out of four). I am a yoga master! Apparently 25 years of breathing practice paid off. I get two coins in my "Fit Bank," which looks like a chalkboard crossed with a pig.

0:20 On to the half moon pose, which involves stretching you arms and leaning to the side. It's a lot harder than it looks. I strain myself trying to replicate the on-screen trainer, but she wisely tells me to ease up and only do what I'm comfortable with. "You've got great posture," says the trainer. Flattery will get you everywhere.

0:23 The game shows a graph of my center of balance -- it's all over the place! I get 75 points and three stars. This is much harder than just breathing.

0:25 On to the warrior pose. I've never actually seen a warrior stand like this, with his arms straight out at shoulder level and his knees bent, but what do I know?

0:27 The hardest part of the warrior pose is holding my arms up and out at my sides. My upper body is ridiculously lame. Still, I get 88 points and three stars for maintaining good pressure on my feet. I can really feel it in my legs afterwards, too.

0:33 The tree pose involves awkwardly placing the base of one foot on the inner thigh of the opposite leg. My foot keeps slipping and causing painful friction on my thigh. I end up lowering it down to knee level, but not before shaking like a leaf in the breeze. 56 points, one star. Enough yoga, on to the "strength training."

0:36 Leg extensions remind me of the hokey pokey -- stick your left leg in, stick your left leg out, etc. I do fine during practice, but when the Wii actually shows me my center of balance I immediately get shakier. I'm too self-conscious for this game, perhaps. The game admonishes me, "You touched your leg down, didn't you?" Wow, it's good.

0:37 Oh, good lord, push-ups. I don't get paid enough for this.

0:38 There isn't enough room between my coffee table and my couch to fully extend for a push-up. Even if there were, my arms are so ridiculously weak that I couldn't manage even one, I'm sure. Either way, it looks like my knees are going to be on the ground for this one.

0:41 I get a three-star 83, a "fitness enthusiast" I'm called! "That was a tough exercise but you did great." I feel guiltier than ever for cheating on my knees. 41 minutes of play time have gotten me 11 minutes of actual Fit Bankable fitness -- enough to unlock a new mini-game.

0:44 Skipping ahead to aerobics and a hula hoop twirling game. I could never do this in real life, but my virtual self is a pro! I manage 163 spins of four hoops at once, but that only ranks as two stars. I gotta try that again.

0:46 278 spins of seven hoops, this time, still only good enough for three stars! I'm really feeling it in my abs, now!