Crispy Gamer

Godfather II PR Stunt: "And may their first child be a masculine child."

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The Godfather II is in stores this week. If I hear from one more of you about how the game "isn' really all that bad," I'm going to start taping handguns to the backs of toilets in chophouses and offering to take you to a chophouse for dinner. You've been warned.

To mark the occasion, EA sent out further proof that they have no business whatsoever managing the IP or trying to strongarm it into a videogame.

I received a cheap wooden cigar box in the mail a few days ago which featured a semi-official looking "Certificate of Naturalization" (which includes my CG author photo, only rendered in sepia tones), loaded dice, a garrote, a cigar, a red hankie, and honest-to-god brass knuckles.

The box included the following letter:

April 3, 1959

Welcome to the family, Lil Scottie.

Me and the boys tossed together a few "essential" to get you started.

-PAPERS - For getting around. Fill 'em in first, capiche?

-HANDKERCHIEF - For wiping off your dirty prints.

-DICE - For winnin' (they're loaded)

-KNUCKLES - For fucks that get in your way.

-GARROTE - For chokin' instead of punchin'.

-CUBAN- For smokin' & enjoyment, only Havana's finest.

-MATCHES - For the Cuban or buildings you meet & don't like.

Watch your back.

You're a Corleone now.

Signed, M. Corleone

Since when does Michael Corleone talk like he's auditioning to star in a Lifetime biopic about Joey Buttafuoco? "For chokin' instead of punchin'?" Really? Moe Green has to be spinning in his fictional grave right about now. Let's pass the hat around, see if we can collect enough money to buy the DVDs, then mail them to EA. Becausely it's clear they haven't watched them.