Crispy Gamer

Scott Jones's blog

Resident Evil 5's wooden boxes/snakes/eggs EXPLAINED (sort of)


There have always been many nonsensical, borderline idiotic things about the Resident Evil series. No one says it better than this guy does in his April 2000 review of Code Veronica for Game Revolution. His big problem? The game's puzzles.

Billy Mitchell v. Steve Wiebe: The Ali-Frazier of Videogames


King of Kong star Steve "World's Nicest Guy" Wiebe will once again battle Billy Mitchell and his magnificent hair helmet at this year's E3.

Godfather II PR Stunt: "And may their first child be a masculine child."


The Godfather II is in stores this week. If I hear from one more of you about how the game "isn' really all that bad," I'm going to start taping handguns to the backs of toilets in chophouses and offering to take you to a chophouse for dinner. You've been warned.

To mark the occasion, EA sent out further proof that they have no business whatsoever managing the IP or trying to strongarm it into a videogame.

Mysteries of Gaming Revealed!: Why the DSi packaging is weirdly hefty.


The DSi itself is a slender, sleek little sliver of a game machine/camera hybrid. But the packaging that it ships in? That's heavy as hell. Only by tearing the box apart was I able to discover the source of the mystery weight: of course, it's the gargantuan DSi manual. This thing is a whopping 330 pages in length and--as you can see from the pic--weighs in at over 11 oz. The DSi, in contrast, weighs less than 8 ounces.

DSi's high-tech box: Applause, Lights, Embarrassment


So, yes, my kitchen table is a mess. Instead of actually eating there, I tend to use it to open my mail. Ah, bachelorhood; isn't it wonderful? Anyway, here's another creative packaging job from the Nintendo team at GolinHarris. The last time they pulled the old talking-box trick (for the DS Lite), the damn thing kept going off in the middle of the night (playing some sort of trumpeted fanfare) and scaring the sh*t out of me, until I had to kill it like it was that evil clown doll in Poltergeist. (And even after I thought it was dead, it STILL kept making noises.) (Creepy.)

Have I Aged Well?: Super Punch-Out!! on the Virtual Console


I downloaded Super Punch-Out!! (800 points) bright and early on Monday morning, and I've been playing it obsessively ever since. I'm a fan of Punch-Out!! I worked in a rundown amusement park when I was a kid (, and on breaks, I'd hustle across the park to the arcade and dump quarters into the dual-screened Punch-Out!! machine. "Body blow! Body blow!" Good times.

Sony GDC Party Invite: Arrives Late; Is Definitely Not Biodegradable


10 Totally Fake Real-Sounding GDC Panels


10. Avoiding Pre-Alpha Blues: How Adding A Monkey Or a Dog Playing A Banjo To Your Game Can Emotionally Reinvigorate Your Dev Team.

9. Nintendo Wants To Know What The Hell Is Wrong With The Rest Of You Goddamn Lazy People: A Wordless Series Of Very Colorful Slides Proving Once Again That The Wii And The DS Are Very, Very Successful (May Include Pictures Of Old People)

Zombie Attack Outside the Moscone Center: They can smell your fear (and embarrassment)


Sometimes it's embarrassing to be part of the videogame business. And sometimes it's sad. Which is why some of us drink. (Not me.) (OK, maybe a little.) Today I was exiting the Moscone Center when I saw a throng of GDC attendees gathered together on the sidewalk. I thought, Perhaps an elderly man with a dancing monkey and a music box is performing over there. (I love monkeys.

GDC Playing Cards: 100-percent Less Nudity


When I was eight years, I discovered that my Uncle Jack (R.I.P.) owned a pack of playing cards that featured naked ladies on them. He called this very special pack "a conversation piece." Ah, Uncle Jack. This year, the heads of the Game Developers Conference have issued customized playing cards featuring photos of some of the most prominent players in the GDC family.

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